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New Mad Max film to become a documentary




With fuel prices set to rise, the world is expected to don its leather biker gear and fight to the death for the last drop of unleaded. Advice is to redesign your wardrobe for airflow, spikes, and intimidation.


Community will be essential — car-cult membership optional. Matching paint jobs and a shared belief in vehicular destiny is a must. And what matters is confidence-so grease on your face, and shout 'She’ll run!' before flooring it.


If you can strap a flamethrower to an electric guitar, congratulations — you are now responsible for the soundtrack of the apocalypse. Maps are for cowards. Drive into the wasteland on vibes alone. And the White House explained. 'Fuel will be the new currency. Treat petrol the way your nan treats teabags: hoard it, guard it, and only bring it out for very special occasions.' In other news, King Pyrrhus of Epirus phoned and asked Donald Trump if he can have his victory back.


Image: Wix AI

Australian CEO who fleeced Thames water named as Immortan Joe


Intrepid Newsbiscuit investigators tracked down the owner of the War Boys, previously Macquarie Group, an investment bank/cult that were the majority owner of Thames water from 2006 to 2017. Immortan Joe was sat on his throne in the corner office of The Citadel in the Australian wasteland, a fortress stronghold containing an aquifer that controls all the water in the surrounding area along with a luxurious golf course and a spa retreat.


His financial team of experts were busy around the open office, their spiked armour occasionally clanking against their multiple screens.


Joe wheezed behind his skull mask, “In the documentary Mad Max: Fury Road, I don’t particularly come across very well. My nightmarish appearance and desire for a genetically pure heir was misrepresented as some sort of sex slave shenanigans; I will be suing.”


War Boys Plc, although a pseudo-religious cult led by an irradiated mad man, has consistently seen profits year on year and is highly respected in both the financial and despotic warlord worlds.


“I was accused of increasing the debt from $3,400,000,000 to $10,000,000,000 whilst paying out dividends of £2,700,000,000….and I’m made out to be the bad guy? Witness me!”


Behind Immortan Joe’s desk was an inspirational poster of a cat with the text, “Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence!” How delightful.


After spraying one of his worker’s faces with silver paint, he continued, “I think we did a good job at Thames water and I am very puzzled on how badly it is doing now. Control of water is no joke, anyway, I have to be off now and always remember, I am your redeemer. It is by my hand you will rise from the ashes of this world. Cheerio.”



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