Mad Max says ‘fair racing’ rules still not clear

After an hour-long driver briefing, during which road warriors aired their concerns about current race standards, title rivals Mad Max and Immortal Joe said it was still “not clear” what was acceptable when racing for survival in a post-apocalyptic, stark desert wasteland.

Events were precipitated last weekend. With several drivers swinging through the air in pole position, and flame-throwers, explosive tipped spears, and various forms of tyre slashing device nicely decimating the field, there was a coming together near the end with both Max and Joe claiming the racing line. At that point the safety car would normally have been deployed if only it hadn’t been totalled the race before.

Both drivers now agree the only solution is a winner-takes-all death race, and they both go out with all guns blazing. Formula One officials are said to be following proceedings with interest. As one F1 aficionado commented, “Excitement we can only dream of.”

Image from pixabay

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Taliban ban Matalan; Matalan bans Taliban

The Taliban and Matalan have increased the distance between each other in an act of mutual banning. ‘The Taliban-Matalan ban pre-dated the Matalan Taliban ban’ claimed Mohammed Smythe, the Taliban’s head of Retail Acquisition. Meanwhile a man from Matalan said Matalan’s Taliban ban had come first.

Irrespective of who banned whom when, the mutual banning has left high street watchers and middle east correspondents scratching their heads. ‘The fashion and homeware retailer offers attire and household goods at prices that are hard to resist, even by a hardline quasi-political group known for colourful fabrics and unorthodox views about womenswear,’ said one insider.

Meanwhile a Matalan spokesman has declared that staff have repeatedly had to ask members of the Taliban to leave Matalan or surrender assault rifles, whips and swords with G4 security guards while they browse mattress toppers, garden furniture and non-stick cookware at unrepeatable prices. The chain has decided to end the to and fro arguments with the shopping-mad militia. To and fro arguments that canny Matalaniacs refer to as a ‘Taliban-a-ding dong’.

In a separate development Australian movie maker George Miller has inked a deal for an all action yarn that combines mass discount retail with high octane thrills, to be called TK Mad Max.