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US Scientists have discovered a causal link between the excessive use of orange make up, especially haphazardly applied to the face area, and sociopathy. They will announce later that members of the public should be extremely cautious of those displaying the obvious symptoms of clownish, almost childish, excessive application of orange makeup as they are a danger to society and should not be approached, trusted or smelt.


The scientists claimed on Monday that applying the makeup, colloquially known as 'madslap', 'is no good' and that people should 'fight like hell' to avoid these people, not listen to their insane ramblings and encourage them to get the help they need after a 'bloody good wash'.


Health officials in the UK have stressed that 'madslap' is a dangerous substance and discouraged experimentation and it tends to lead to propensity for extremist, self serving bouts of loud nonsensical proclamations and the urge to go to port towns and point forlornly at boats.


The manufacturer of 'madslap', officially known as 'wotsit sunrise' have said that 'studies that have been conducted in the past, show no clear evidence that proves a direct relationship between the prudent use of wotsit sunrise and any psychotic episodes or a blind rage focussed on people not of your race. This is all fake news pushed forward by the MSM, libtard, woke, radical leftists. Thank you for your attention to this matter.'


Image: WixAI


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The one thing that truly unites America is that the Trump-Vance duo have normalised makeup on men. The best way to make money from this is, as always, to sell overpriced branded merch made in China.

Here are some of the worst options from their new range:

  • Trump Concealer: Whether you want to conceal skin blemishes, freckles or massive financial fraud, always use the one Russian intelligence informs your preferred influencers to recommend.

  • Trump Foundation: When you want to override the basic foundations of democracy, look no further. Luckily, the Trump Foundation name is now available again as the original one was dissolved by court order in 2018 after various legal violations came to light.

  • Trump Bronzer: Always appear to come third in a moral argument of two people with this classic Trump bronze finish. No need to blend, have a big beautiful wall of pale white skin next to hi-vis orange around what some medical professionals describe as a face.

  • Trump Blusher: when you are incapable of experiencing shame or embarrassment, you have to apply your own blushing, preferably with some industrial sand blasting machinery from a vat.

  • Trump Gloss: For luscious lips and annoying facts, gloss over these and strut around like a shiny ball of lies.

  • Vance Eye Shadow: Do you also have dead, soulless eyes? Why not accentuate these so you can gaze at people with two dark voids that completely lack empathy! As with the current VP, this product is currently a complete sell out.


Make Makeup Grift Again


image from pixabay



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