Tiger Woods to be Trump's Middle East envoy

"He plays golf, he is behaving in an increasingly erratic way and he has convictions to his name," a spokes-putter for President Trump told reporters at Mar-a-Lago.

"Tiger Woods therefore seems the perfect representative for the President in peace talks with Iran.

"The only problem may be that Mr Woods attended the prestigious Stanford University.

"He might therefore bring intelligence and reasoning to the negotiations, rather than the blundering, pig-ignorant clown show that President Trump was planning."

image from Grok

Iran asks: Is Trump using confusion tactics?

'The US President says he wants peace but is sending 10,000 troops to the war zone,' said a perplexed spokes-skeleton for the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corpse.

'He says he's negotiating with an Iranian leader who calls the shots, but says his interlocutor will be shot if he's caught negotiating with him.

'And Trump says he wants to bomb all our energy plants and be Iran's worst nightmare, but then says he's kindly giving us 10 days before doing it.

'Is he saying all this to confuse us and give us a huge migraine so that we beg him to away?'

A State Department official was quick to clarify the situation, saying: 'This is not a trick. The President is way out of his depth and genuinely has no idea what he's doing.'

'I've even managed to confuse myself,' Trump posted on Truth Social, in a unique moment of honesty.

'I've been wandering around Graceland looking at pictures of Elvis when I could have sworn I was in the war room at Mar-a-Lago launching Tomahawks onto schools.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Mar-a-Lago introduces 'only one assassin allowed inside at any one time' policy

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