Reform UK has pledged to break the stranglehold of the mainstream mathematical establishment by launching an urgent review into whether two plus two really needs to equal four.
Party sources say the answer “four” has been imposed on Britain for generations by an increasingly out-of-touch uniparty consensus of Labour, the Conservatives, teachers, accountants, engineers and people capable of counting.
“For decades we’ve been told that if you have two things and someone gives you another two things, you have four things,” said a Reform spokesman. “But nobody ever asks ordinary British people what they think the answer should be.
Reform believes there is considerable public appetite for five.
“Five is bigger than four,” the spokesman continued. “Britain deserves bigger numbers. Illegal immigration is out of control, taxes are too high and millions of people feel ignored. In those circumstances, insisting the answer is still four shows just how little the establishment has learned.”
Asked whether there was any evidence that two plus two could equal five, the spokesman accused the reporter of “talking Britain down”.
Critics have pointed out that changing the answer to five could cause difficulties for engineering, banking and calculating change in pubs.
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