Five French mimes - lost on their way home from performing to single digit audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe - have been arrested near RAF Fairford in Gloucestershire. Police said they did not resist arrest, voluntarily placing themselves inside a glass case of emotion, whilst visibly sobbing into an impossibly long string of handkerchiefs knotted together.
Suspiciously however, the mimes have refused to speak to the police.
Donald Trump posted online that he had 'personally kung fu kicked the terrorists... so many terrorists', before alleging that 'Swindon is the home of jihad' and announcing that he would 'annihilate' it - a proposal with a surprisingly high level of support amongst local residents, who would welcome the sweet release of death.
Startled awake from a nap, Trump claimed he had blockaded the Bristol Channel - although it was unclear if this was a euphemism.
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here
