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Interpol searching for Nigel Farage


The Metropolitan Police has thrown its collective arms up in despair after searching fruitlessly for weeks for the not-usually-publicity-shy Reform leader. 'We tried the House of Commons but drew a blank, we even contacted Clacton police station but they just laughed and hung up on us,' said a spokesman.


The BBC Question Time team has been approached for clues, but they're as puzzled as everyone else. Even Laura Kuenssberg hasn't seen him and is pining.


'We've asked Interpol to assist, but we're not holding our breath. Their liaison asked if we'd checked the South Coast for dinghies that could be transporting him. We don't think they're taking it very seriously, either,' the spokesman said.


Image: WixAI

Bill and Ben reboot in jeopardy as one half of iconic duo goes missing



Kiddies TV favourite, Ben, one half of iconic showbiz duo, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, has stunned BBC top brass by going missing just days before the much-heralded reboot of their classic show.


A programme insider said: 'We're all gutted as a lot of cash has been ploughed into the new series, but now Ben's gone and jeopardised it all. He was booked with Bill to appear on the sofa tomorrow morning with Charlie Stayt and Naga Munchetty, too. How could he be so selfish!'


It's understood the troubled star had recently been described as 'being a bit down in the dumps' at rehearsals. Speaking to reporters this evening and visibly shaken longtime pal Bill choked: 'Uddap buddap slobbadap. Buddap buddap pobbledap' before breaking down inconsolably.


Little Weed, longtime 'GF' to both stars, something that in itself has been the cause of many rumours that all three are living in an open relationship, has so far remained tight-lipped.


But in a long showbiz career, this isn't the first time that the the terracotta twosome has been mired in controversy; once famously having been arrested at Heathrow for being in possession of four bags of John Innes potting compost when getting off a flight from Ibiza.


Police have requested members of the public seeing Ben should not approach him but contact CBBC instead.


First published 15 May 2022



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