"Keir Starmer should be utterly ashamed that this month's Strawberry Moon has plummeted to the lowest point for a Full Moon since 2006," said Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch. "This is due to a 'major lunar standstill' which Labour was totally responsible for and did nothing to prevent," continued Ms Badenoch, in between wild howls at the Moon. "We Conservatives pledge that we will take the British Moon back to its rightful place in the heavens," she said, standing on a bare hillside and ranting at the sky.
"It is because of 14 years of Tory rule that the Moon has sunk to this abject level," replied Sir Keir Stargazer, "but under Labour, you will see it steadily return to its former heights. That might actually be the biggest thing we'll have to crow about, come the next election."
"With the Moon this low, there's never been a better opportunity to put doughty British astronauts on its surface," said Reform leader Nigel Fruitcake. "They could virtually jump there.
"Just call 0800-LOONYTUNES and pledge 50 bitcoins to the Reform UK Moonshot Fund to hear me talk and talk about it, c/o my closed down Coutts account."
Image: photo-graphe - Pixabay
