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Moon will be blue during next lunar eclipse, vows Reform

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"Aren't you sick of the moon turning red every time there's a lunar eclipse?" Reform's in-house astronomer asked an almost empty press room, while looking at journalists through the wrong end of a telescope.


"Come closer, all of you. Don't be shy. Just tell your readers this.


"If Britain votes Reform at the next election, our great leader Nigel will personally see to it that every eclipsed moon will be sky blue - Reform's party colours.


"Just text BLUEMOONLUNATICS with a Bitcoin donation to Reform party funds - and all your bank details, for our future reference.


In return, we'll send you a pair of blue-tinted spectacles and 20 ballot papers, all with crosses next to Nigel's name, for you and your friends to use next polling day.


"Vote Reform!" squawked the party astronomer, running around in small circles and flapping its wings, "because under Labour, the sky will very soon be falling on our heads."


image from pixabay

Labour to blame for record low Full Moon, says Kemi

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"Keir Starmer should be utterly ashamed that this month's Strawberry Moon has plummeted to the lowest point for a Full Moon since 2006," said Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch. "This is due to a 'major lunar standstill' which Labour was totally responsible for and did nothing to prevent," continued Ms Badenoch, in between wild howls at the Moon. "We Conservatives pledge that we will take the British Moon back to its rightful place in the heavens," she said, standing on a bare hillside and ranting at the sky.


"It is because of 14 years of Tory rule that the Moon has sunk to this abject level," replied Sir Keir Stargazer, "but under Labour, you will see it steadily return to its former heights. That might actually be the biggest thing we'll have to crow about, come the next election."


"With the Moon this low, there's never been a better opportunity to put doughty British astronauts on its surface," said Reform leader Nigel Fruitcake. "They could virtually jump there.


"Just call 0800-LOONYTUNES and pledge 50 bitcoins to the Reform UK Moonshot Fund to hear me talk and talk about it, c/o my closed down Coutts account."



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