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High Street crime unit targets fancy dress shops fronting possible illegal activities


The government has begun an investigative into fancy dress shops run by moustachioed, fez-wearing shopkeepers.


An undercover operative, wearing a black lounge suit and bowler hat, left a house at 52 Festive Road, London, and visited a fancy-dress costume shop where he was invited to try on different outfits. He then left the shop, not by the front door, but through a 'magic' door at the back of the changing room and had adventures appropriate to his costume. When he returned to his normal life, he was often left with a small souvenir believed to be drugs, or an infectious disease. 


Officers would like to question the shop keeper but, as if by magic, he has disappeared.


The unit is also looking into a rental shop, believed to have 'ghost' directors, that is responsible for animal cruelty to a pantomime horse, and be harbouring a Russian national accused of spying named in documents as Miss Nadia Popov.


Image by Grok

Owner of Mr Benn's fancy dress shop forced to rent out empty premises by government


Landlords in Festive Road could be forced to let empty shops in a bid to rejuvenate high streets. Under government plans, due to be unveiled in Tuesday's Queen's Speech, buildings left vacant for a year would have to be entered into a rental auction.


The British Retail Consortium initially stated that they were unable to put up a spokesperson, but then, as if by magic, a shopkeeper appeared. The moustachioed, fez-wearing shopkeeper started by denying cultural appropriation, then went on to say boarded-up premises were a blight on towns and cities and damaged local economies. His shop had only every had one customer, who tried on thirteen different costumes. The shopkeeper had assumed that he had been auditioning to join The Village People.


The customer had disappeared into the changing room for quite a long time on each occasion, so the shopkeeper had not wanted to investigate what the client was doing in there too closely. However, when challenged, the customer had claimed there was a magic door at the back of the cubical leading to an adventure. On returning to his normal life, the shopper always left with a small souvenir. This shopkeeper has concluded the mystery man was using the portal to carry out raids, and steal historical artefacts, in the style of The Time Bandits.



First published 10 May 2022


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