Doomsday clock resets for British Summer Time

Thanks to a quirk of UK time keeping, peace has broken out around the world. Flowers bloom, children sing and Bambi's mum is alive again. The Atomic Scientists declared all is right with the world; nuclear weapons do not exist and Mrs Brown's Boys never happened.

A whole hour backwards means we no longer have an election with Harris and Trump, we get to repeat the Obama election. You know, the 2009 Hope Obama who we all loved, not the actual President Obama who read your emails and drone-bombed everyone.

One scientist paused, as he skipped through a meadow, hand in hand with his boyfriend: 'Enjoy it while it lasts. The clocks go forward in March. It's going to be cockroach overlords come April and not the Hope-cockroaches either.'

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

Shock as Mrs Brown’s Boys star attempts comedy

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Still time for nuclear war to save us from The Nan Movie, insists expert

There is still hope that a nuclear apocalypse could occur in the next day and spare humanity from The Nan Movie, according to an expert closely monitoring the situation.

Amnesty International have been campaigning against the impending release of the feature length film based on Catherine Tate's "beloved" character. Having exhausted all legal routes to halt the atrocity, nuclear war is now seen as the world's best hope.

'The production and distribution of 90 minute movies based on one-dimensional characters is explicitly forbidden under the terms of the Geneva Convention, which classes it as a crime against humanity,' explained Michael Oliver, from Amnesty,

'Unfortunately Catherine Tate and Warner Bros, drunk on misplaced confidence in their own creative genius, have ignored this and plan to release this film across the UK on March 18th in an act of pure barbarism. Our only remaining hope is that Russia's invasion of Ukraine spirals quickly into a full-blown global nuclear war, annihilating the world's population before they can be exposed to the movie.'

The Nan Movie was originally scheduled for release in 2020 but was postponed due to cinemas being closed during Covid-19 restrictions. The ongoing pandemic is widely believed to have been significantly less damaging to the mental health of the wider public.

'If the release of The Nan Movie is not somehow stopped then who knows what other atrocities could follow in an escalation,' continued Oliver,

'We could be looking at a sequel in a year or so or, even worse, a new Mrs Brown's Boys film.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/amitkrsocial-2567040/