50% of all Mumsnet accounts are JK Rowling

Tech experts have revealed that the activist author is having to write 24/7 in order to keep the conversation on trans rights alive and angry. What was first thought to be the righteous fury of thousands of concerned parents, is actually one billionaire typing frenetically, existing on a diet of energy drinks and right-wing conspiracies.

Suspicions were raised by the curious range of Dickensian names appearing on Mumsnet, including Sage Rakepick (38) from Upton Snodsbury, Cedrella Murton (41) of Nether Wallop and Nitin Hedgeflower-Lutterworth the Third (21). She is having to create more sock puppet accounts than a House Elf could reliably pick up.

One fan tweeted their support: ‘JK is absolutely right – it’s outrageous that one person should swap gender identity just for their own selfish benefit – unless, of course, you have a murder mystery book to sell, then that’s fine.’

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Dorries demands Mumsnet gets privatised

Nadine Dorries is said to be fuming after an interviewer for the website Mumsnet was insufficiently deferential to Dorries’ boyfriend Boris Johnson. Dorries insisted Mumsnet hadn’t done itself any favours and that many people had her Mumsnet password. She also said Mumsnet needed to free itself of government subsidies. Even though it doesn’t get any, 96% of Nadine Dorries believes that it does.

A similar proportion of Tory MPs are raised by nannies and introduced to their mums (or ‘maters’) at a formal luncheon, not long after they reach the age of 8. On the same day, they receive a tub of Brylcreem and a firm handshake from their father, before being sent to boarding school for a daily thrashing.

Johnson later confided to advisors he agreed to the interview to meet MILFs.

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