Water kerfuffle - shark unmoved in canal rescue attempt

A 3.5m shark has been trapped in a canal in Busan, South Korea for two weeks.

It has become a local celebrity, attracting more than 600,000 onlookers.

Rescuers attempted to guide it back to the sea using water jets, but the shark swam away, remaining in the canal.

‘We really don’t know what we were thinking,’ admitted officials responsible for the ineffective squirting.

‘None of us really believed in the ridiculous idea and we all knew that no good was ever going to come from mixing sharks and jets - just look what happened in West Side Story.’

Image credit: ChatGPT

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Glinda nominates Elphaba for Ice Bucket Challenge

Tragedy struck the Wicked wrap-party, as the Witch was accidently melted for charity. This follows a long campaign by Glinda to nominate Elphaba for the Garden Hose Challenge, the Water Sprinkler Dance Off and the JUST GET IN THE SHOWER WILL YOU! Gala.

Glinda the Good insisted her intentions were…well, 'good', but could not explain why the buckets had been rigged like the last scene from 'Carrie'. She denied using spells, although admitted that the weather app said 0% chance of rain, so 'felt obliged to correct it'.

She explained. 'I felt that Elphaba was overheating. Hydration is important, so I took initiative. Then my water bottle leaked, very aggressively, in her direction. Gravity did it. And you can't defy gravity.'

Image: Wix AI

All UK parks to have their own Elaine Page

The PM has backed plans to have the musical 'Chess' played in every park. A graffiti resistant Elaine Page will belt out songs to the homeless, while her 1980's hair will ward off seagulls.

Swings will be replaced by a giant inflatable Barbara Dickson, for local children to play on. While dog walkers will be encouraged to pick up the $hit story written by Tim Rice.

Although Park Chess sounds like a rubbish Blur cover band, fans of the musical were excited: 'It's everything I love about the show plus, during the interval, I get to be stabbed by the roundabout.'

First published 3 Aug 2023

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