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All UK parks to have their own Elaine Page


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The PM has backed plans to have the musical 'Chess' played in every park. A graffiti resistant Elaine Page will belt out songs to the homeless, while her 1980's hair will ward off seagulls.


Swings will be replaced by a giant inflatable Barbara Dickson, for local children to play on. While dog walkers will be encouraged to pick up the $hit story written by Tim Rice.


Although Park Chess sounds like a rubbish Blur cover band, fans of the musical were excited: 'It's everything I love about the show plus, during the interval, I get to be stabbed by the roundabout.'


First published 3 Aug 2023


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Prince Andrew Lloyd Fibber music to feature at Coronation


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The palace has conformed songs from the illustrious career of Andrew Lloyd Fibber will feature at the King's coronation. It is believed the crowning and anointment with oil will be accompanied by the song ‘Don’t Massage me Marge and Tina’, a smash hit for Fibber in 1976. Here is a full list of musicals that will feature, as played by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra in Westminster Abbey.


Andrew and his Amazing Technicolor Alibi (1968)

The hit musical that launched his career, featuring such classic hits as ‘Any Excuse Will Do’.


Jesus Christ Super-injunction (1970)

Not much we can say about that one.


Cats (1981)

In which the lead singer forgets the words to that timeless bittersweet ballad ‘Memory’.


Pizza Express (1984)

A roller-skating spectacular. The audience watch with bated breath, waiting for members of a stellar cast to fall flat on their faces


The Phantom of the Night Club (1986)

Performers stand around, not doing very much and insisting they weren’t sure why they turned up in the first place because nightclubs aren’t really their thing. Features the hit song ‘Nosweat Boulevard’.


School of York (2015)

An ageing rocker is thrown out of his band but lands a job teaching kids. The show closed following complaints.


Sarah Brightman and Paul Chuckle have been booked to sing alongside the King in outlandish sequin costumes. Tickets are available online or from a booth in Leicester Square. Andrew Lloyd Fibber musicals may contain flashing images.



First published 20 Feb 2023



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