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Wordle to replace CBeebies, CBBC



Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is completed the channels will play the national anthem on a loop. In solidarity, Dorries’ next novel will contain no words longer than 5 letters.


Parent Karolina Krychowiak noted ‘If you come for CBeebies, we will kill you and make it look like an accident. Mr Tumble is always watching. Words that describe the Tories mostly have 4 letters, but I suppose the plurals have 5.’



Antipodean entrepreneur in talks to buy the BBC

Updated: Jan 23, 2022



It is understood that Nadine Dorries has been considering an offer from Bertie B*llocks. The owner of the eponymous conglomerate already owns a movie streaming service and various news outlets around the world. Although some of his money making ventures fall into a "grey area", especially in China and South America, he will have the funds to maintain the necessary cash stream for the BBC to continue being a world-leading broadcaster.

A close associate of Mr B*llocks stated, "it's a win win situation. Hell, we won't even have to change the lettering of the logo".

Asked if there would be job cuts he said, " Oh, yeear. A lot management barsterds will jumping out of windows by the time Bertie is finished with them".


Nadine Dorries’ social media hijacked by far right trolls


New culture secretary Nadine Dorries has apologised for the upset caused by right-wing trolls hijacking her social media accounts and posting hateful content for years.


A spokeswoman said ‘No responsible Culture Secretary would claim people are afraid to say what they think because of left-wing cancellation on Twitter or that left-wing snowflakes are killing comedy. That would be completely idiotic. Ms Dorries would never suggest that taking down statues of slave owners is the same as wiping away history. That would also be completely idiotic. She finds political attacks thoroughly unpleasant and she thinks you should be kind on social media. She would never criticise a reporter for criticising Boris Johnson. Ostrich anus and privatising Channel 4 though? Sign her up.’






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