NASA to prevent Earth colliding with second Trump Presidency

Having fired probes into oncoming asteroids, NASA is hopeful they can knock Donald Trump out of his political trajectory. Warned one scientist: 'A large orange ball is heading right for the White House and every time Joe Biden opens his mouth, this lump picks up momentum.'

The impact of Trump would be seismic, with liberals flattened in every direction. Last time he created a crater the size of Manhattan - and that was just the indentation his arse left on the memory foam mattress.

'If hitting it with a probe won't make him budge, we can always send the FBI round again.'

Artemis countdown clock

NASA 'starting to regret' contracting Avanti

'We were go for launch, then an announcement came over the intercom,' complained a senior NASA manager. 'Some BS about not enough staff to drive the rocket. I tried to over-ride the instruction because there wasn't supposed to be any staff on-board, just dummies - which Avanti insist on calling stewards. Then they claimed the contactless machine wasn't operating correctly so snacks and drinks couldn't be purchased. Eventually they said a bus replacement service would be in operation and asked everyone to be patient.

'The good news is we're entitled to make a claim on their website. Apparently we're good to claim $54 billion plus a free bacon roll next time we travel with them.'

Image: Pixabay/FF16