Don Dastardly's evil plots flop in Wacky Election Races

'Drat, drat and double drat!' spat US President Don Dastardly, stamping his feet in rage as Lula avoided the tin tacks he'd scattered on the road and cruised to victory over his far-right opponent in the Brazilian election.

'It's all your fault, you snickering, hillbilly hound!' he shouted at his sidekick, JD 'Muttley' Vance, giving him a swift clip round the ear.

In the latest episode of the Wacky Election Races, Don Dastardly was seen spreading oil across all the roads leading to the Knesset to cause every politician in Israel to swerve and crash besides his beloved ally, Benjamin 'Indicted for War Crimes' Netanyahu, driving the Genocidal Likudmobile.

Don and Muttley were also spotted building a catapult to launch Marine Le Pen and the AfD to ill-deserved election victories in France and Germany.

'It's going to be a hard-right turn for everyone if my villainous plots succeed!' Dastardly cackled.

Image: WixAI

Car of the month: Israel's Settler Extreme

'If you're a fan of the IDF Merkava,' said a spokes-gasket for the Likud Hard Right Coalition Motor Corporation, 'then you'll love this unbelievably unpleasant civilian counterpart we've brought onto the market: the West Bank Settler Extreme.

'The Settler is an all-terrain vehicle, meaning that it will ride roughshod over any Palestinian farmer in the West Bank and take all his terrain.

"And it comes complete with a licence - a licence to do whatever the hell it likes while the Israeli police turn a blind eye.'

The head of Likud Motors, Benjamin Netanyahu, said, 'I got a great deal on a fleet of Settlers. They vote for me and my hard-right cronies. In return, I let them seize all the land they like in the occupied territories to build settlements on.

'So see how the Settler Extreme performs in trials,' gushed the spokes-sprocket, 'as it sets light to a West Bank village and never goes on trial for the crime.

'And make sure to order your Settler Extreme today - bearing in mind that our Settlers are totally disorderly and violent in the extreme.'

Image credit: ChatGPT

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