Exasperated Corinthians receive yet another letter from St Paul

News from Corinthia today as adminstrators for the region check the post and discover yet another missive from St Paul.

"Oh my God, it's another one", said Anastosios Papas as he flipped through the various correspondence, "I can't believe this, he must send one a week. First it was all 'Love they neighbour' and 'worship our God freely' and all that good stuff. You know, that's fine we're a good fearing people. But now it's all, 'have you seen Taylor Swift is getting married?' and 'apparently red wine ISN'T good for you after all! I mean, I like the guy, but 200 years worth of letters is a bit much."

We tried to reach out to St Paul but he was busy writing a letter to the Ephesians to tell then that the Galatians still have their strimmer and are not looking like they are giving it back.

image from pixabay

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BBC to stop delivering news at weekends

Now that the Royal Mail have received approval to cut deliveries of second class mail, the BBC is proposing to stop delivering news at weekends.

A spokesman said, 'There's no proper news at weekends. The government doesn't issue any press releases, politicians are away with their mistresses, and councils and businesses don't answer their phones. 

‘Often, the only way to fill air-time is to film vox pop interviews in the High Street.  Because the man in the street's opinion on the big issues can be very well considered and insightful.  Although usually it's just ill-informed, misguided and borderline weird.  And we aren’t supposed to fill news programmes with opinion.

'The only reliable source of news stories at the weekend is from overseas. It’s easy to cut-and-paste international news stories from AP and Reuters. The only domestic news is about village fêtes, charity fundraising, stores and pubs closing down, bin collections, traffic, and weather (hot, cold, windy, watery, drought-y, sunburn-y, pollen-y).  And occasionally there's a summer riot.  

'Most of the weekend news bulletins are filmed on Friday mornings, and then we go down the pub. The work experience kids add in any topical updates later, using clips they've found on TikTok and quotes from social meeja.  The weekend news is a joke.  It's not worth the effort. We shouldn't have to do it.

'We could just let the radio deal with any real news.  ChatGPT can write the copy and then someone can phone it in from home.   

'It's your BBC during the week.  At the weekends, your BBC needs a rest.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Newspaper editors get ready for Donald Trump's pharma tariffs

President Trump says he will announce new tariffs on pharmaceutical goods soon, and will probably describe them as a shot in the arm for US drug companies, or healthy competition, or something.

This advance notice from President Trump gives newspaper editors time to polish up some medical puns for their headlines.

‘Strong medicine’ would be a suitable short, but slightly lazy headline. More sophisticated efforts might include ‘stop taking the tablets’ or ‘fly in the ointment’. More desperate efforts could include ‘anti-buy-otics’, ‘tariffs on depression meds are a real downer’, ‘medicine balls’, ‘now you’ll just have to make do with sex and rock’n’roll’ and ‘now it’s harder to get Viagra’.

You can expect Donald Trump to be referred to as a drug lord or medicine man and his tariffs as ‘a drug on the market’ and/or ‘an ill wind’. Or how about 'Trump calls in sick'. Or 'Trump's prescription'? In comparison, British invalids, and the workshy, will be 'worried sick'.

You can expect plenty of pill references – bitter pill, poison pill, no sugaring the pill, for example. Unhappy pills, perhaps. ‘Trump imposes tariffs on suppositories by the backdoor’ is a possibility. Not really what you’d want to read at breakfast time. But hey! - if it sells newspapers....

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay