top of page
Search

CPS to target moderate posts



Following a week of 24-hour prosecutions for inciting violence online, for setting fire to wheelie bins then jumping headfirst and for intercepting bricks with the head and gonads the Crown Prosecution Service is changing its focus.


'We believe we need to show a balanced approach to this situation,' said a spokesman today, 'which is why we're not pursuing Nigel Farage, Richard Tice and Laurence Fox but instead targeting some of the more moderate posts regarding this outbreak of anti-social behaviour,' he added.


As a result, 23-year-old Stacy from Hexham is in front of magistrates tomorrow for posting 'you OK hun?' on Twitter. 'Absolutely pitched to garner a pile-on of similar platitudes,' explained the spokesman. He also identified Jason from Northallerton who has been seen on social media helping with the clean-up following recent riots near his home. 'It's a volatile situation and do-gooders like this are likely to inflame the situation. Likely to be custodial sentence for that one,' he added.


About two thousand fire-fighters are nervously waiting to see if they're next for the knock from the Old Bill.


Image: Newsbiscuit

Clacton relieved Farage is going to Trump's aid


Despite having one of the highest crime rates in the UK, more unemployment than most constituencies, longer waiting lists for the NHS than practically anywhere the good people of Clacton have responded positively to the news that Nigel Farage is going to be at Donald Trump's side while his ear scratch repairs and will stay until after the November elections to help his buddy get re-elected.



'It's only right, Donald Trump needs all the help he can get,' said Simon, queuing patiently at his local foodbank.  'Luckily Mr Farage will be able to afford the extended stay in America because he has his MP salary to survive on, plus whatever GB News is paying him.  Otherwise I'd have started a crowdfund page for him using my benefits to kick it off,' he added.



Not everybody in Clacton shares Simon's lack of concern.  Mary is worried he'll lose the GB News gig if he's based in America.  'If they start to threaten him, I'll contact my MP and ask him to intervene,' she suggested.


bottom of page