Kuenssberg and Mason Threesome With Farage Mannequin

The BBC Current Affairs department was thrown into chaos today when a leaked video seemed to show their former and current political editor engaging in a ménage a trois with a mannequin wearing red trousers and a Barbour Jacket.

During the seven-minute clip where the two worship the effigy and spend an inordinate amount of time kissing its posterior, both are heard to exclaim soft-ball questions like, "Would you stop the boats if you were Prime Minister? Just yes or no, we don't need your plan." , "Uncosted tax breaks that will benefit the wealthy? How can anyone lose?" And, as the recording finished, "No further questions big boy."

Head of BBC news Deborah Turness was quick to dismiss the scandalous film as nothing more than a damp squib. "The most important question to answer and that we will cover at-length," she said while wrapping up her press conference, "is that even though Nigel Farage didn't come first, or indeed at all, what does such an event means for Sir Keir Starmer and his Labour Government."

Image: TheOtherKev - Pixabay

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Farage insists that he would pass a lie detector: he would walk right past it

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Reform rebrands as The Nigel Farage Party

The Nigel Farage Party, sometimes known as Reform, previously The Brexit Party, and before that UKIP, is solely represented by its main character, Nigel Farage.

In all of today’s interviews, he stated with clear vagueness how he, and to a lesser extent the rest of the party, would do everything better for less money. The Faragester was readily available for every media opportunity, including ones for other parties. The Head of the Reform Communications Team, Mr Farage, was also doing the rounds this morning, answering questions that interviewers were clearly not asking him.

The Director of the NFP Media Team, Big Nige, handled the radio work and the Vice President of Public Relations, who is the son of Guy Justus Oscar Farage, pulled an all-nighter on Russia Today.

Even after hours and hours of statements, speeches and conversations by the one single entity formerly known as the Reform Party, not much was actually said. Mainly 'Labour Bad, Tories failed, that thing that Labour messed up, we wouldn’t have done that…..skip to the end… only I can fix it.'

Reporters did manage to find a lone ex-Reform MP, a weaker one who had strayed too far from the group, and were about to question them on some of their early social media posts when the dominant male appeared and broke up the attack with a sharply snarled 'Allow me to finish…'

Picture credit: Stable Diffusion