Nigel Farage commits to reintroducing - then filling - Workhouses for the poor

Following on from his manifesto pledge to reduce the minimum wage for the young, Nigel Farage has also laid out plans to re-introduce workhouses for poor children.

'If you haven't worked hard enough to make a decent living to be able to send your child to a private school', said Mr Farage, 'we want to provide options for working families and remove the need for non-working families to claim benefits. Workhouses are the future with a nod to the past.'

Although Mr Farage was light on details and arrangements, he generally said that workhouses would be compulsory for all children from families that claimed any sort of benefits. Controversially, this includes disability independent living payments with his logic being, 'well they're sitting down anyway, they might as well fix mail sacks or repair vapes or something'.

Mr Farage told press that many public libraries would be repurposed as well as community centres and certain areas of job centres.

'The time has come to put the poor and needy to work for their expensive lifestyles', he concluded, 'I'm sure there are some golf courses too that could do with a good lawn mow!'

Image: WixAI

Farage admits 2 minutes silence will be a challenge for him

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Farage: not enough racists in our adverts, these days

Leader of Reform UK, Nigel Farage, today attempted to double down on Reform MP Sarah Pochin's comments where she complained about adverts being 'full' of black and Asian people.

"Well, I think she's right", he told reporters, "and it's plain to see that in every advert on British telly, these days. And if that is the case, where are the good old fashioned British racists in these adverts. If we have a mixed heritage family sharing a Domino's pizza in the park, I want to see a middle aged white man sneering at them from a park bench. Or nasty old women shouting at some black children from her front garden because they walked down her street each enjoying a Magnum. It's only fair that all of Britain is represented."

Mr Farage went on to commit Reform UK to add a policy in their manifesto that a racist 'signer' will be in the corner of British TV screens that would automatically 'tut' and roll their eyes every time a Curry sauce advert was aired or a black person was featured in any positive sense whatsoever.

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