Finally some action from No.10

Crew of Changing Rooms 'bricking it' over upcoming Downing Street episode

Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen has been praying daily that he gets to help either Liz Truss or Rishi Sunak in the episode where the flats in numbers 10 and 11 Downing street are redecorated by whoever is occupying the flat next door. His reasoning is that he won't have to deal with 'that' wallpaper if he gets whoever wins the leadership contest.

However he isn't underestimating the challenge of working with the next Prime Minister, as Liz Truss is famously incapable of being told she's wrong despite fitting that description on an hourly basis even when asleep, whereas Rishi Sunak, while much more receptive to ideas being suggested, is unlikely to actually roll his sleeves up and do something. 'If he has to bribe someone to let him pretend to fuel their car and needs special training to use a contactless card, he's unlikely to know which end of a paint brush to use,' said a programme aide.

The episode was arranged before Boris Johnson resigned and the Changing Rooms team already anticipated problems, not least with granting maternity leave to all the female staff on the set in nine month's time.

PM refurbishment: Johnson now accused of 'papering over the cracks' of shite leadership

Boris Johnson looks to be facing further investigations into his refurbishment activities, after evidence revealed a litany of trading standards breaches, and cowboy behaviour by the PM.

A dossier against Johnson includes numerous examples of misleading quotes for refurbishment work, including an unfulfilled promise to build 40 new hospitals, and to return £350 million a week to some customers from a client that he no longer worked with.

'A decade ago he was suspended on a zip wire over the Thames', noted one voter today. 'Now he's using 'build back beaver' soundbites and doing that really annoying elbow-pump thing with his sleeve rolled up and an inane grin on his face all the time. It's hardly a Grand Designs style transformation, is it?'

Experts in the DIY trade have suggested a range of tips and techniques that Johnson should use. 'He needs a basic primer on leadership', said one painter and decorator. 'And please stop using that rag and roll technique on his hair. Its so 1980s Eton.'

'If its a distressed style that he is aiming for, though what most of what he does is certainly distressing', continued the decorator. 'And this insistence on only using Farrow and Ball wallpaper? Well, with his actions through the pandemic he's half way there as that's been a total Balls up.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/carola68-15252460/

As accusations of Johnson's utter incompetence grow it appears the PM's not for turning		Toddler savaged by government watchdog