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    • ChrisF
      • Jan 9
      • 1 min read

    PM refurbishment: Johnson now accused of 'papering over the cracks' of shite leadership


    Boris Johnson looks to be facing further investigations into his refurbishment activities, after evidence revealed a litany of trading standards breaches, and cowboy behaviour by the PM.


    A dossier against Johnson includes numerous examples of misleading quotes for refurbishment work, including an unfulfilled promise to build 40 new hospitals, and to return £350 million a week to some customers from a client that he no longer worked with.


    'A decade ago he was suspended on a zip wire over the Thames', noted one voter today. 'Now he's using 'build back beaver' soundbites and doing that really annoying elbow-pump thing with his sleeve rolled up and an inane grin on his face all the time. It's hardly a Grand Designs style transformation, is it?'


    Experts in the DIY trade have suggested a range of tips and techniques that Johnson should use. 'He needs a basic primer on leadership', said one painter and decorator. 'And please stop using that rag and roll technique on his hair. Its so 1980s Eton.'


    'If its a distressed style that he is aiming for, though what most of what he does is certainly distressing', continued the decorator. 'And this insistence on only using Farrow and Ball wallpaper? Well, with his actions through the pandemic he's half way there as that's been a total Balls up.'


    photo: https://pixabay.com/users/carola68-15252460/









    As accusations of Johnson's utter incompetence grow it appears the PM's not for turning

    ​

    Toddler savaged by government watchdog


    • News in Brief
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    • Politics
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    • Doctor Chutney
      • Dec 10, 2021
      • 1 min read

    Number 10 Downing Street says, “Nothing to do with me."


    Following a plethora of sleaze, corruption and party scandals levelled at Number 10, the building itself has spoke to distance itself from those who live and work within its walls.


    'You have to separate Me, Number 10, a rather splendid 17th Century town house, from ‘Number 10’, the less than splendid, festering sores that are currently giving me such a bad name.' it explained.


    'When fingers are pointed at ‘Number 10’, that’s not me. Unless they’re tourists, in which case they probably will be pointing fingers, cameras and phones at me. But when they mention on the news, "the noises coming from Number 10", they do mean some dickhead downstairs who has opened his gob, not my aching 350-year-old joints.'


    Such is the dissatisfaction that Number 10 is feeling right now, it is considering moving out. Although Number 11 has said it can’t see that happening immediately as over the years they have become very attached.


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