top of page
Search

Starmer to cancel tax increase by selling his 3 Oasis tickets

Government sources are suggesting the Prime Minister may resell his three Oasis tickets in an attempt to plug the Government’s 22 billion pound financial blackhole heading off the need for tax rises in the October budget.


As dynamic pricing has inflated Oasis ticket prices to more than the cost of renewing Trident and the because the Prime Minister’s wife prefers Megadeth, Sir Keir is open to offers for the tickets.


The Prime Minister was looking forward to the gig at Heaton Park. Staring at a crowd of bucket hats makes a welcome change from staring at a crowd of bucket heads on the opposition back benches.


Dynamic pricing of Oasis tickets means the Gallagher brothers stand to make substantial earnings from their performances next year. This is all a far cry from their impoverished early lives in Manchester. The extortionately high ticket prices will, however, provide a lucky opportunity for thousands of fans in Manchester to experience the brothers’ early life for themselves now.





Gallagher brothers reunite to create world's longest eyebrow


ree

In news that has taken both the world of pop and male facial hair by surprise, Liam and Noel Gallagher have set aside their differences to get back together.


Seeing the Gallaghers side by side again will create a major landmark event, the reunion of one of the world's most popular bands and an almost continuous eyebrow that can be seen from anywhere.


Liam Gallagher said. "I’ve been living a lie for years, man, I hate having to shave between my eyebrows, its not normal, like my relationship with Noel, we shouldn't really be separated"


Noel Gallagher followed up by saying, "I know a lot of people have frowned on the idea of us getting back together again, but let me tell you if me and our kid both frown at the same time, it can cause a tsunami in Canada."


Critics wonder whether it will be a success, Noel has always had a real chip on his shoulder about not being a proper front man, now he'll have a real chimp on his shoulder instead.


Critics believe next year’s tour is going to be a huge event, nothing like it will have been seen since the early nineties or the early Pleistocene.


Photo by Bob Coyne on Unsplash

Oasis announce date of next split


ree

Noel and Liam Gallagher, the on-off partnership at the heart of the band Oasis, have teased the date of their next split on social media. 


If the suggestion is true, they will split after an acrimonious and violent row backstage during their forthcoming American tour, probably once the stadium’s already full of fans who have sold their kidneys to afford tickets. However, the band’s PR manager declined to say which brother will hit the other with a guitar and which will storm out, saying we’d just have to wait and see.


The two will then spend an unspecified period sniping at each other on social media until they finally realise they need the money - sorry, that blood’s thicker than water - and reunite once again.


Asked whether knowing about the row, split and reunion in advance doesn’t mean the whole thing’s just a publicity stunt, the PR manager said, 'No, they really are that stupid,' before Liam hit him with a cricket bat. 


bottom of page