'Following the despicable example set by Kemi Badenoch,' said an Ofcom spokes-pixel, 'we are worried that other bloody-minded reactionaries in Britain may take a stand and not watch the compelling, 100% factual Adolescence and its promised follow-up.
'We are now getting Labour to make its poodle MPs pass a law fining people £500 for failure to view every second of these Netflix masterpieces.
'You will all then be obliged to get into a huge moral panic and fret out loud, at dinner parties and in public meetings, about how absolutely awful 'these incels' are.
'There will also be custodial sentences for 'Adolescence deniers' - people who claim its plot is not perfectly truthful. It is a real-life documentary, as the Prime Minister stated in the Commons. You only have to see the terribly life-like camera techniques they used to know how right he is about this.
'We are also demanding legislation to make Paddington Bear Britain's new patron saint.
'The statues of him popping up on benches across the country are to be treated as sacred objects, and anyone caught defiling one will be subjected to a tedious sermon on inclusivity from some self-righteous judge who wants good copy in the papers.
Picture by Nabil Saleh from Unsplash/Wix
