top of page

A man is claiming that the objective of clearing out the garage has now been achieved, even though he has in fact created a dreadful mess that could take years or even decades to clear up.  Mr Donald T Rump of Basingstoke decided unilaterally to tackle what he perceived as a build-up of potentially hazardous garden chemicals and lubricants on the shelves of his garage by tipping them all into the drains.  Unsurprisingly to everyone except Mr Rump, this has caused a huge problem in the neighbourhood, risking the health and safety of everyone in the vicinity.  


The reaction was swift as the consequential damage spread quickly and uncontrollably.  The local river has now been cordoned off, and water supplies have been interrupted.  Children in the local school have been badly affected, although Mr Rump claims to have had nothing to do with any impact on any school.  


People that Mr Rump thought were his friends have distanced themselves from him.  He asked them to help with the clean-up operation once he realised that it was a bigger job than he could handle, but they refused so he said he doesn't need them anyway.  Reportedly, a Mr French used particularly strong words to describe what Mr Rump should do.


Despite his actions being illegal, irresponsible and downright dangerous, Mr Rump is insisting that he did the right thing and his garage is in much better shape than it was before.  According to him, the operation was a complete success and is now over.  Whether he will ever manage to clear out that huge stash of porn in the cupboards from his seedy past is not known.



Image credit: Wix AI



Confusion has followed the announcement that Labour would be cutting the NHS, mainly because we thought it had been phased out years ago. Now it turns out they plan to remove the administrative regulator of the NHS and replace it with a pothole, filled patient data and regret.


The PM made it clear that the £8bn funding shortfall would be made it up from saved post-it notes. Any vital jobs will be replaced by AI and a quick game of Hasbro's Operation. A Government spokeswoman clarified: 'We are absolutely not getting rid of the NHS core services...that's next week.'


Image: WixAI



Cavity Sam, a cartoon character, says a group of unqualified ‘so-called’ players operated on him for over an hour, and removed several items from his body in a series of unnecessary procedures.


He claims he was diagnosed with twelve ailments. 'I ironically the first was a case of 'Gamer’s Thumb', which they removed. However, this didn’t solve anything so they went on to take out my 'Headphone Headache', a 'Frog' from my throat and several more items working down my body past 'Butterflies in my Stomach' to my 'Cranky Knee'. Nothing seemed to work.


They took it in turns to have a go on me. All the time they were laughing and joking. I don’t believe they were even qualified doctors! They were very clumsy and only used a pair of tweezers which kept touching the sides of my open wounds. Even this didn’t set off any alarms!


'In the end, it turned out the only thing wrong with me was that I needed a new set of batteries for my large red light bulb nose. I didn’t actually ‘need' anything to be removed. The ‘doctor’ with the most money was declared ‘the winner’. I don't think they took my operation seriously at all. That’s the last time I go private!'


Picture credit: Wix AI



bottom of page