UK threatens West Bank settlement with milquetoast and tutting

The Foreign Secretary is to lay out a series of timid sanctions designed to mildly inconvenience the Netanyahu regime. This will be followed by a strongly worded postcard campaign. Every Monday, government officials will send handwritten notes expressing ‘deep disappointment’ in increasingly large fonts.

A Foreign Office official confirmed, ‘Yes, we helped them commit a genocide but you have to agree reducing diplomatic applause by 7% will have devasting effects.’ Alongside this the UK will symbolically close its Embassy Gift Shop, meaning ‘I ❤ war crimes’ keyrings will become significantly harder to obtain.

There will be a one minute of deliberate awkward silence at every summit, while delegates stare at their notes and pretend to check messages. Tough sanction include the immediate removal of preferred biscuit status - visiting Israeli diplomats will be moved from chocolate digestives to rich tea. ‘Existing friendship bracelets may be retained, but no new ones may be exchanged until relations improve.’

Image: WixAI

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Palatine Action , UK Gov await Tel Aviv's orders

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Calling Benjamin Netanyahu a c%nt is still fine

While the British government has banned the use of the word uprising, citizens will still be allowed to call the Israeli PM a homicidal maniac. In fact, peace protesters will be encouraged to sing the chant "Who's the wanker in the black?".

A minister defended the draconian law. "Words like rebellion are clearly racist. Empires and colonialists are always the good guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to instruct the Death Star to destroy the planet Alderaan."

Wanted for genocide, Mr Netanyahu is no stranger to being called names—like wanted, at large and the accused. With it being illegal to call for resistance, many Palestinians will be encouraged to accept their murder quietly. Free speech advocates said…well nothing really, they were already locked up.

image from google gemini