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Councils are to be given permission to eject people from their rightful land. Allotments will be cleansed of anyone with green fingers. Keir Starmer refused to admit where he got the idea from, but he did say God told him to do it.
The 185 members of the UN has condemned the move, but the US vetoed it, saying all gardeners were terrorists. Meanwhile, allotment owners have referred to it as the Cucumber Nakba - chanting 'Free allotments, from the rhubard to the seed'.
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