Queen's covid response indicates the virus can jump species again

Her Majesty the Queen has said that her recent brush with covid left her tired, irritable and short on humour. 'It was like Philip had returned,' she said. Covid researchers have shown alarm at the Queen exhibiting symptoms as previously the virus transmission chain only included bats, humans, cats and dogs. 'If lizards can catch it, then we'll probably never stop it,' said one researcher today.

'We were initially concerned when Prime Minister Boris Johnson contracted the disease in the early days of the pandemic, we didn't think it could be passed to beings that were almost but not quite human forms, but then we thought "OK, it's only Boris, might do the country some good",' admitted a covid researcher today. 'So we weren't concerned at all in the end,' he added.

It is currently unknown if Jacob Rees-Mogg is capable of getting the disease. Now that blood temperature doesn't appear to be a barrier there is only the small issues of not requiring oxygen to function and the inability to cast a reflection to consider. 'To date, every person that we know to have caught covid has been known to cast a shadow, so perhaps he's going to be ok, unfortunately,' said a researcher.

Queen England Elizabeth Ii - Free photo on Pixabay

Let Freedom Ring by Covid-19

Today is the day.

Today, at last, this freedom-loving nation can cast off the shackles of lockdown, escape the clutches of oppressive government diktat, and taste the sweet nectar of fresh Covid particles.

Since the earliest days of the pandemic, down the brutal halls of Westminster, blackened by the fires of deceit and the searing coals of obfuscation…I have waited.

Since eighteenscore months ago, when Dominic Cummings first called for herd immunity, I have waited for the promise of this nation to be kept.

This promise was a vow that all viruses would be guaranteed the unimpeachable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of the clinically vulnerable.

Millions have hidden in their homes, or gagged themselves with cloth masks in shops, in a rare period of public spiritedness and fortitude.

To this I say: never again!

So today, let freedom ring.

Let freedom ring down on the London underground, where passengers breathe particulates over one another with the force of a thousand hurricanes.

Let freedom ring on Chequers, where poor Boris Johnson is humiliatingly trapped at home.

Let freedom ring on the schools and the poorest communities where all our unvaccinated lie.

Let freedom ring.

From the busiest aisles of Tesco to the crumbling care homes of Chichester. From the heaving clubs of Soho to the pubs of Penzance, hear my rallying cry:-

Free at last, free at last, thank Boris almighty, I am free at last!

I had a dream that one day my variants and my variants’ variants would be able to sit down together at the table of a Wetherspoons in Stoke and mix freely with the public.

And that dream came true today.