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Trump imposes tariffs on himself

Updated: Jun 5


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Donald Trump has decided to impose a $1bn tariff on himself.


In a move showing the ultimate patriotism, the US president says he personally must pay the sum each time he travels abroad.


“It’s a big, beautiful piece of legislation,” Trump told a Republican rally.


“When this guy Trump, who’s actually nasty, visits another country, he’s gonna have to pay this beautiful fee.


“We’ve relied for too long on presidents whose mothers were born abroad. Now we’re fighting back.”


The shock moves comes in the midst of a legal battle of Trump’s plan to impose tariffs on countries such as China.


Leaked reports suggest one idea was to build a wall around the White House. However, it was deemed “too light and fluffy” by Pentagon officials.


Crowds at the rally reacted positively to the tariff plan, with one section chanting: “Lock him up! Lock him up!”


image from pixabay


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Santa under fire for using drones

The skies over New Jersey have been filled with weaponized little helpers. Rather than a traditional sleigh, Santa has out-sourced his job to a branch of the Pentagon, with the codename - Slay Shells Sting, Are You Listening.


The drones are programmed to drop parcels down the chimney if you have been good, and Semtex if you have been naughty. Test runs have already been done in Gaza, but according to the CIA everyone was on the naughty list.


Americans were alarmed to see the drones, but not so alarmed as Rudolf, who only then found out he had been sacked - Xmas sacked. Said one General: 'Its lovely weather for a sleigh ride together for two, but it's also a perfectly clear sky for a surgical strike on your nearest and dearest. Come dasher, come dancer, come FIM-92 Stinger.'




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