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Squirrel Apologizes for Cuba Blackout




A squirrel named Sparky has posted an official apology on X for causing Cuba’s recent nationwide power grid failure. ‘I was just sitting on a wire, munching on some tasty insulation, when I heard a loud pop and lights went out all over the neighborhood,’ Sparky said in the statement. ‘I apologize to anyone I might have offended or inconvenienced, and my thoughts and prayers are with the Cuban people,’ the statement continued.


The Cuban government reacted with outrage. Unable to use the internet, it hired a light plane to skywrite the words ‘Fuck Yankee squirrels’ in Spanish. ‘The statement by the so-called Sparky is obviously a lie,’ said an official statement circulated on what appeared to be toilet paper. ‘If he had been chewing on a wire he would have been electrocuted, so this is clearly American sabotage.’


The Cuban government has long suspected the United States of sending squirrels into Cuba to damage its decrepit infrastructure, explained Alfred Newman, Associate Professor of Rodent Insurgencies at the University of Leeds. ‘It isn’t clear whether the squirrels are being smuggled in by plane and boat, or whether the Americans have successfully bred a species of amphibious squirrel that can swim the Florida Strait,’ Newman said.


Calls to the American Department of Defense and Central Intelligence Agency went unreturned. The Cuban government has launched a nationwide squirrel hunt, offering 50,000 acorns for information leading to Sparky’s arrest.


Photo by remi skatulski on Unsplash


Rolling power cuts could start TONIGHT


Journalists with no proper work to do are whipping up concerns that power cuts in Britain could start almost immediately.

'This isn't scaremongering,' said one of the scaremongers. 'This is based on solid evidence. Britain would suffer emergency power cuts if the wind stops and all of our solar panels get covered in Saharan dust, and if all of our nuclear power stations take a break in sympathy with French reactors and if gas stops working properly for some reason and if everyone in Britain turns on every appliance they've got, just for the hell of it.


'This could happen AT ANY TIME. Carry a torch at all times. Head for the hills! Stockpile lard! But please take out a subscription to our newspaper first.'



photo: https://pixabay.com/users/pexels-2286921/



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