Trump launches HickTok for most hopelessly dim supporters

"HickTok is the social media platform for the President's most fervent, pig ignorant supporters," said a spokes-chatbot for Trump Enterprises.

"These are the millions of American rubes, redneck and hayseeds who've pledged their votes to him for 2028, despite not knowing what year it is now or even what a vote is.

"Because these people - if you can call them that - are functionally illiterate and proud of it, HickTok will show them clips of Trump dad-dancing to YMCA, launching missiles at Iran and abusing the cringing leaders of satellite states."

"We lurrve him," said two newlywed cousins from Squawking, West Virginia, who have signed up to Hicktok.

"He's gonna buy us a pick-up truck and a new hunting rifle," they added, gullibly.

image by Grok

Trump to wrestle with his conscience in WWF spectacular

"I sucker punched Iran by attacking it while it thought we were in negotiations, I killed over 100 kids with a Tomahawk missile and blamed it on the other side and I've let my underlings make millions through advanced knowledge of my announcements about the war," said Donald Trump at a World Wrestling Federation press conference, dressed nauseatingly in a gold sequined leotard.

"Now my conscience, whatever it's been hiding, wants to wrestle with me about all that.

"When I'm finished with it," Trump bloviated, "I want that conscience stuffed and put in a gold-framed case in the Hall of Victims in my new Presidential Vulgary... I mean Library."

"I'm just a still, small voice of truth," mumbledd Trump's conscience meekly to reporters. "What the hell chance do I stand?"

"I want a million bucks for this," Trump told the organisers, predictably.

image by Grok

Trump reboots Pirates of the Caribbean

In a sequel no one asked for, Trump seized a Venezuelan tanker laden with doubloons. Like Captain Jack Sparrow, but less coherent, the President promised booty for his allies and booty-calls for his interns.

To be a true pirate, Mr.Trump should technically take his prize to a secret island filled with illegal activity. But, sadly, his friend Jeffrey is dead. Instead, he'll have to smuggle the stolen oil to the US - just like all his predecessors.

One Venezuelan ranted: 'You're the worst President I've ever heard of. An immoral, corrupt, pervert!'

'Yes,' countered Trump, 'but you have heard of me.'

Image credit: perchance.org