Trump to wrestle with his conscience in WWF spectacular

"I sucker punched Iran by attacking it while it thought we were in negotiations, I killed over 100 kids with a Tomahawk missile and blamed it on the other side and I've let my underlings make millions through advanced knowledge of my announcements about the war," said Donald Trump at a World Wrestling Federation press conference, dressed nauseatingly in a gold sequined leotard.

"Now my conscience, whatever it's been hiding, wants to wrestle with me about all that.

"When I'm finished with it," Trump bloviated, "I want that conscience stuffed and put in a gold-framed case in the Hall of Victims in my new Presidential Vulgary... I mean Library."

"I'm just a still, small voice of truth," mumbledd Trump's conscience meekly to reporters. "What the hell chance do I stand?"

"I want a million bucks for this," Trump told the organisers, predictably.

image by Grok

Trump reboots Pirates of the Caribbean

In a sequel no one asked for, Trump seized a Venezuelan tanker laden with doubloons. Like Captain Jack Sparrow, but less coherent, the President promised booty for his allies and booty-calls for his interns.

To be a true pirate, Mr.Trump should technically take his prize to a secret island filled with illegal activity. But, sadly, his friend Jeffrey is dead. Instead, he'll have to smuggle the stolen oil to the US - just like all his predecessors.

One Venezuelan ranted: 'You're the worst President I've ever heard of. An immoral, corrupt, pervert!'

'Yes,' countered Trump, 'but you have heard of me.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Who’s in charge now? The current US order of presidential succession

This handy guide will help you to work out Who's in charge now? It explains the current order of presidential order of succession, if something were to happen:

• Vice President – Easily manipulated Tech Bro Yes man

• Speaker of the House - Easily manipulated religious weirdo

• President Pro Tempore of the Senate – A 92-year-old man*

• Secretary of State – Sycophantic loser who can’t look in the mirror

• Secretary of the Treasury - Sycophantic loser who loves looking in the mirror

• Secretary of Defense (War) – Cheating, alcoholic content provider

• Attorney General - Trump’s personal liar and eye candy – thrown out when Trump goes

• Secretary of the Interior – Billionaire climate-change denier

• Secretary of Agriculture – Incompetent empathy void

• Secretary of Commerce – A simple toady idiot

This list goes on to include anti-vax sociopaths and dog murderers, all of them sex trafficker apologists. If you need to know exactly how this list continues, then something is seriously wrong....

* He was around at the same time as Paul von Hindenburg, the second president of the German Weimar

Republic

Image credit: stablediffusion.com