Leaked medical records reveal Boris Johnson has rare speech impediment

Doubts have been raised today over whether Boris Johnson is the most perfidious Prime Minister ever to rule Britain after medical records reveal he has an inability to pronounce "mis".

Dixie Rect, Professor of Linguistics from the University of Texas told our reporter "This is a terribly distressing condition for a politician to have. Imagine you wanted to tell a nation it has a world-misleading government but were unable to say mis, or "I mistook him to be a man of honour" when describing say, a cabinet minister friend who turned out to be a crook."

She went on to say "People suffering from speech impediments like these tend to spend so much time focusing on their defect, they forget to do simple things such as brushing their hair, or getting undressed before going to bed, with the consequence that when they appear to have slept in their suit, they probably have.

News of this unfortunate speech imperfection appears to have led to an immediate improvement in the PMs poll ratings.

Image: Unsplash/Annie Spratt

Swanage man denies being Prime Minister

A man hitherto believed by many to be UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has shocked the country by denying it.

During an interview on Sky, when being asked about the Chancellor's Spring Statement having done little or nothing for the poor or disadvantaged, the man, a rotund shock-headed and rather bumbling individual said: 'Look, here. Why do you keep addressing me as prime minister? I'm James (Jimbo to my chums) Anstruther.'

The puzzled presenter said: 'Well, I do so because in fact you are. You're Boris Johnson, aren't you. You are the British Prime Minister?"

There then followed a bizarre exchange when the man stated repeatedly and categorically he was not Mr Johnson, insisting: 'Piffle, poffle and wiffle. I am James Anstruther, a market gardener from Swanage."

In what's being seen as a worrying development, a Mr James Anstruther, market gardener from Swanage was unavailable for comment today. One close neighbour said he had not been seen around the locality for at least a week, when he was last spotted flanked by two shadowy figures being bundled into the back of a large black limousine.

Imposter PM phoned by Ukrainian

An investigation has been launched into how someone like Boris Johnson could get anywhere near being prime-minister after a Ukrainian was put through to Mr Johnson after calling 10 Downing Street and asking to speak to the PM.

"I have to admit I just panicked", explained the number 10 telephone operator in question, "The gentleman called and asked to speak to the person in charge of the country.

'I'd been given instructions not to let anyone speak to Mr Johnson unless they were offering a photo opportunity in a hospital or a lot of money, but somehow I forgot that and now the Ukraine government know the truth."

Image: Pixabay/PublicDomainPictures