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The palace has conformed songs from the illustrious career of Andrew Lloyd Fibber will feature at the King's coronation. It is believed the crowning and anointment with oil will be accompanied by the song ‘Don’t Massage me Marge and Tina’, a smash hit for Fibber in 1976. Here is a full list of musicals that will feature, as played by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra in Westminster Abbey.


Andrew and his Amazing Technicolor Alibi (1968)

The hit musical that launched his career, featuring such classic hits as ‘Any Excuse Will Do’.


Jesus Christ Super-injunction (1970)

Not much we can say about that one.


Cats (1981)

In which the lead singer forgets the words to that timeless bittersweet ballad ‘Memory’.


Pizza Express (1984)

A roller-skating spectacular. The audience watch with bated breath, waiting for members of a stellar cast to fall flat on their faces


The Phantom of the Night Club (1986)

Performers stand around, not doing very much and insisting they weren’t sure why they turned up in the first place because nightclubs aren’t really their thing. Features the hit song ‘Nosweat Boulevard’.


School of York (2015)

An ageing rocker is thrown out of his band but lands a job teaching kids. The show closed following complaints.


Sarah Brightman and Paul Chuckle have been booked to sing alongside the King in outlandish sequin costumes. Tickets are available online or from a booth in Leicester Square. Andrew Lloyd Fibber musicals may contain flashing images.





Responding to criticism of his corruption, ineptitude and haircut, Boris Johnson talked about transgender cyclists. He used the medium of song, startling those present with a sultry acapella version of Gett Off by Prince. Johnson leant into the camera whilst delivering the lines ‘let a woman be a woman, and a man be a man’ and later claimed his views – which are not controversial – might be controversial. All footage of the impromptu solo had to be destroyed because of Johnson’s eye-watering, wretch-inducing gymnastics during the lyric about twenty-three positions in a one-night stand.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said, ‘Boris has a long history of using appropriate language, and anyone who says otherwise is a tank-topped bum boy. He did renege on his promise to ban conversion therapy – but if that’s unpopular, his views can always transition.’



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