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- lostandflouder
- Dec 12, 2024
Updated: Dec 19, 2024
Climate Change is gaining unlikely popularity with a notoriously difficult to please bunch: the British public. A record 164 million signatures has been garnered for the new petition: Keep the Home Fires Burning.
Norah Bates of Sconfield, who set up the petition last week, said, 'I was standing at the bus stop, waiting for a service that ended up being cancelled, and we had so much to moan about we hardly even noticed we'd been waiting there for four hours. I had to have a toe amputated due to frostbite, and I've never been happier. It made me think, "maybe I'm not alone?"'
A random, friendly billionaire who very kindly sponsoring the petition confirms, 'Research shows it's not just climate change that is making Brits happy. Poor-quality products and services all help to generate our well-renowned Blitz spirit that makes us the envy of the world.'
Story by: lostandflounder
Photo by Urban Vintage on Unsplash
Construction Site Manager Colin Mappin who was in the queue behind OAP Doris Wilkes (75) at Tesco Redditch said: 'My spirits hit the floor as Doris and her tartan wheelie managed to get to the till in front of me. I thought, here we go, by the time she's counted out the odd seventy-seven pence and used at least fifteen money-off vouchers my lunch break's going to be over. So imagine my surprise when she just whipped out her bank card nice as you like and paid within seconds.'
But just when Colin thought he was home and dry disaster struck. 'She knew the lady on the till, a third cousin of her late husband's uncle, and subsequently Doris engaged her in a ten-minute conversation about how "Bert had to have a bag fitted" and "Alice was found dead in her flat after having lain there undiscovered for three days".'
A starving Colin later confirmed: 'In the end I had to put my stuff back on the shelves as I had a meeting scheduled at two.'
Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash
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