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'Call that sabotage?' said the Fat Controller of milking profits from the beleaguered British train user. 'If French trains can be back up and running over the busiest weekend of the year, that's nothing. To do the job properly, you have to do it from the inside. Preferably from the top while making millions for yourself and shareholder pals.
'The sustained reckless ideology of keeping a natural monopoly privatised while fabricating a faux model of competitive market forces. That's what the saboteurs in France should have done. The key to it is 30 years of spending the bare minimum on the railways, balanced beautifully with charging passengers as much as you can get away with. Then you pretend to do engineering works every other Sunday, while carefully ensuring nothing is upgraded. If you reach an endpoint where a replacement bus service is normalised, then you've properly run services into the ground and hit the jackpot.
'The only investment we ever made in UK train travel was paying my mate's private consultancy to come up with ridiculous excuses for why there were so many delays and cancellations. Even the fines for those delays are picked up by the British taxpayer, so in a way it's still publicly funded without actually being owned by the public. Ironically, an organisation backed by the French government profits from our rail network as well.
'Now f**k off while I talk to my luxury yacht dealer.'
Meanwhile, in France, where most trains completed high speed journeys on time at a fair price, the Far-Right blamed the Far-Left for the sabotage. French mimes blamed Russia. Israel blamed Iran, cats blamed dogs, Piers Morgan blamed Meghan Markle, and everyone else blamed Angela Rayner.
image from pixabay
Updated: Jun 17
The Plaid Cymru election manifesto argues that Wales should get £4bn compensation for HS2. This is despite the fact that no houses in Wales have been knocked down, no tunnels built, and no sheep disturbed. But Plaid Cymru clearly feel that they have a case.
This has emboldened the Isle of Wight Independence Party to argue along similar lines and make rail improvements part of its platform.
Colin Card, 63, says that there is an ‘obvious’ case for investment in the railway line that runs between Ryde Pier Head and Shanklin. Colin says that a feasibility study, conducted by Norman from the model railway club, shows that the current 28 minute journey time could easily be cut to 23 minutes. The economic benefits are therefore huge, because a massive amount of productive time will be released. 'HS2 only cut 10 minutes off the journey from London to Birmingham,' says Colin, 'so our plans knock that into a cocked hat.'
Colin also says that there is also a good economic case for integrating services between Smallbrook Junction and Wootton, currently served by a heritage railway. And there is also a strong case (Norman again) for extending the existing railway from Shanklin to Ventnor, as travellers to Ventnor must currently complete their journey from Shanklin station by bus. In their wilder moments, Colin and Norman dream of a circular railway line running round the whole island. And some trains, obviously.
The islanders will be tracking the Plaid Cymru case very closely. If Wales is successful, then there should be no barrier to funding for the Isle of Wight. £4bn would be just the ticket.
Image: Bucarama-TLM - Pixabay
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