SNP ready to throw the towel in as Exeter rejects Indyref2

Scottish Nationalists are said to be 'saddened' to hear the people of Exeter won't support another independence referendum. SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, is said to be 'gutted' that the Conservative leadership hustings determined the future of Scottish independence.

'It would have been nice to have been invited to put our case to the people of Exeter, given the amount of influence they have on Scotland, and Scotland on them,' said a SNP spokesman today.

In the hustings programmed for the next two weeks the future of changes to the Russian Parliament is to be determined by Conservative Party members in Stroud and the decision regarding raising the Federal Reserve interest rates will be determined by other members in Wrexham.

A spokesman for the Conservative Party denied that the 180,000 members might be overstepping their authority or that the power of making decisions on behalf of the other 99.7% of the population had gone to their collective heads.

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After Brexit referendum and 3 changes of leader latest vote of no confidence "sure" to unite party

Boris Johnson has issued a statement that after the result of the vote of no confidence, the Conservative Party will "definitely" draw a line in the sand and unite.

"I'm completely confident that this time the party will unite", said a shaking Boris Johnson, "Yes, the referendum caused slight differences of opinion to emerge. And the immediate resignation of the prime minister straight afterwards and months of clueless dithering may have led a tiny amount of instability. Yes, I have to hold my hands up to a tiny amount of plotting against Theresa May, but if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be prime-minister now - so that's a positive. However, now that over half the party has back me, we can put divisions behind us."

Jeremy Hunt has strongly disagreed.

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WW3 is a small price to pay to escape Brexit

An advocate for a second referendum explained: 'I hear a lot of negativity about Nuclear winters, but who doesn't like to snuggle up, with a nice matching sweater from John Lewis? This is an opportunity to reject Brexit - after all, you can't leave Europe if there is no Europe to leave.

'We need to support the Ukraine and their affordable au pairs. Nuclear holocaust is backed by 48% of the public, which from my perspective, is a stonking majority'.

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