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TitusScam Homeopathic Wellfullness Tablets


These are supplied - eventually - probably, and at additional cost - in the form of an empty box which used to contain the tablets.  However they are about to be superseded by a mega-powerful new treatment, which we can prove is definitely even more effective because it's far more expensive.  This consists of an empty box which used to contain tablets made from the boxes which used to contain early versions of the homeopathic wellfullness tablets.


Our researchers (who are homeopathic scientists, i.e., people who know someone who know someone else whose great-grandfather's next-door neighbour's milkman's brother-in-law always wanted to be a scientist) are now working on an exciting, top-secret new development.  This will involve the boxes which used to contain tablets only taken by people who always steadfastly refused to accept any form of vaccination - the ultimate, vaccine resistant homeopathic wellfullness treatment.


This has been highly recommended by US Health Secretary Kennedy and is expected to be endorsed by President Trump - provided there is no risk that any qualified person who has the faintest idea what they are talking about might possibly ever describe all this as anything other than a complete load of bollosck.



Russell Brand appointed UK Ambassador to the US

In a bold move following the sacking of controversial politician Peter Mandelson, the UK has decided to court further controversy by appointing Russell Brand as UK Ambassador to the US.


A spokesman told us that all the appropriate checks had been made and that Brand had assured them that there were no skeletons in his closet. In fact, the appointment was seen by the UK Government as quite the coup as they see him having a number of the same interests as President Trump as well as similar public health concerns as US Health Secretary, Robert F Kennedy.


"I am beyond delighted that such a proud and engorged bestowment has materialised when old Russ though his number was up!" said Brand in a press conference this morning. He continued, "I am very much looking forward to getting down to it with Donny and the lads. I'm sure we'll have a right old tear up down in Marry Lago, or whatever it's called, and no mistaking." His gaze was then distracted by US Press Secretary, Katherine Leavitt, making the rest of the press conference a somewhat uncomfortable experience.


Mr Brand will be taking up the "posty-wost" with immediate effect.


image from google Gemini


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