A spokesman for the government has claimed the Royal Family, specifically King Charles and the Princess of Wales, are stopping them from completing their 2019 election pledges. 'There's forty hospitals waiting to be opened,' said the spokesman, 'but with the King's prostate and the Princess supine we can't find enough Royals available to cut the bloody ribbons,' he ranted. 'They offered Prince Andrew, but the Prime Minister's ratings are already at an all-time low, there's no way we can risk that,' he added.
As well as the hospitals, which will sit empty until a suitable date for ribbon cutting can be arranged, there are multiple other improvements that are waiting for the Royal Family to catch up. 'There's twenty thousand potholes in Blackburn Lancashire alone that need filling and resurfacing - no point mixing the tarmac until we know somebody with blue blood can declare the roads drivable again,' he said, 'plus all those new prisons, community centres, libraries we've been saving for election year, all scuppered thanks to the bloody Royals. Â
'I suppose the ribbon cutting for the first Rwanda flight will have to wait as well,' he sighed.
