Never Again*' *Terms & Conditions apply

'We, as a nation, make a solemn promise never to allow a genocide - unless we start it. Never will we permit a people to be persecuted in the name of religion or ethnicity - excluding non-whites that talk funny.

'We give thanks to all those who liberated Auschwitz - but not the Russians. We remember all the survivors - all except the left wing ones. And all Nazis will be persecuted - unless they can help us build bombs, run our corporations or give cheeky salutes on TV.

'We will uphold international law - almost never. Protect children - rarely. And use Holocaust Memorial events as a photo opportunity - every f$ckin time.'

Photo by 卡晨 on Unsplash

UK signs 100 year treaty with no concept of time

An excited Prime Minister explained that 100 was more than 1 and that a year was definitely longer than a second, but other than that he did not have a clue and was loving it! An aide said: 'This is fantastic, we'll be tied to the Ukraine for 100 years - what could possibly go wrong? It's not as if we were in a treaty with Russia only 80 years ago.

'We are absolutely convinced Ukraine and the UK will be exactly the same in a century. After all, its not as if AI or climate change exists. We are happy to make a long term commitment - which will out last our marriages, our teeth and life on Earth.'

The Ukraine was equally as pleased: 'We have been told that Keir Starmer is renowned for keeping his promises, so we have nothing to worry about.'

Image: WixAI

Checking facts is soooo 2024

Hi there, it’s Lyn Floohenzur, your absolute favorite girl is here, for you, telling what is what and how it is, right? Before we get to into the big news, like, the real news, our sponsor today is again the GRU, the number one Russian Military Intelligence Service - hi guys!

As I was like saying to McKinleigh and Jaxton, we all know that there are sooo many diff types of truth out there, and we like have to show total respect to the alternative truths, like, totally yeah? Mikkky G was sayin’ while back that those so called, like, experts are, you know like, we really have had enough of that, you know? Anyway, IronMusk, you know to call him that right, IronMusk, so clever, yeah, well on the X, they have, like, a community of Truth notes that’s like a hive mind of people telling it like it is and it's pretty hot, yeah?

Well Insta is going the same way, like, in a way that's the same, cos like facts are like, biased you know? They all seem to be in your face with the checking and telling you are wrong and like, you don’t own my facts right? Well anyway, don’t forget to subscribe by clicking Alt-right arrow, and smash that like, and see you in 15 seconds!

Picture credit: Wix AI. Probably.