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Luxury flat owner on toilet wins Turner Prize



The owner of a luxury apartment overlooked by Tate Modern has spoken of her shock and delight at winning this year’s Turner prize. Poppy Tamara Bullion, a haute couture fashion designer, was unaware she had been nominated for the accolade, or that going to the toilet fell under the category of performance art.


Ms Bullion announced on social media - ‘Hi guys. So excited to have won the Turner prize. I produce some of my best work when I’m sitting on the toilet. A big shout out to all the art critics who stand on the viewing platform in dirty raincoats, come rain or shine.’


Grayson Perry, one of this year’s judges, praised Ms Bullion’s work.


‘She goes beyond using the toilet as a utilitarian process and opens up the medium to thousands of ordinary working class people. She is saying – look at me, I’m rich and privileged but I go to the toilet like everyone else. It’s political without being ideological.’


The Saatchi Gallery has snapped up Ms Bullion’s toilet and exercise bike for an undisclosed sum. Ms Bullion announced on social media - ‘Hi guys. So excited to have sold my toilet and exercise bike for an undisclosed sum.’


image form pixabay



First published 3 Feb 2023


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King's speech to feature unprecedented honesty

Panic is rising in Westminster as it has become clear that the forthcoming King's speech will break with tradition and tell it how it is.


The monarch is normally expected to read out a text which has been agreed beforehand by civil servants and the royal staff.


But this year Charles has let it be known that he wants to deliver a more truthful assessment of the state of politics in his Kingdom.


A leaked excerpt from the speech reads:


'I wish to apologise to you, my subjects, that my governments, over the past few years, have fallen short of the standard expected by the British people. You deserve better. The highest positions of power in the country have been occupied by fools, corrupt chancers, narcissists and foreign agents. And those were the sane ones.'


Keir Starmer is reported to be asking for political asylum in China.


And Donald Trump has posted that he wants to Make England Great Again, or 'MEGA'. But not, he emphasised, by regaining its colonies in America. Maybe by invading Ireland, where they mostly speak English, so it would just be like Russia's special military operation in Ukraine.



Image credit: perchance.org

Fears grow for covid after it is infected by Laurence Fox



Fears are growing for the wellbeing of the Covid-19 virus after it confirmed it has been infected by attention-seeking former actor Laurence Fox.


Covid has not been vaccinated against irritatingly smug self-promoters and is currently attempting to treat itself with unproven remedies, leading to real concerns about its future welfare.


"The best way to avoid being infected by a massively annoying bellend desperate for attention is to steer clear of things like social media and Question Time. Unfortunately, as covid spread through more and more of the population, the chances of it being exposed to Mr Fox increased." said Stephen Thompson, Professor of Virology at Oxford University.


"At this stage it is too early to say how the virus will cope with being infected by Laurence. We are hopeful though that it has developed a level of natural immunity from other morons it has already encountered, such as flat earthers and other anti-vaxxers."


One major fear is that covid's exposure to the former Lewis star could cause it to mutate to another new variant. One that will spout ridiculous bullshit on any platform in an increasingly pathetic attempt to remain relevant.




First published 2 Feb 2022


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