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Farage to sue satnav company after failing to locate Clacton

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Nigel Farage, Prime Minister-in-Waiting, has announced a lawsuit against Trotters Independent Traders over ‘dodgy’ navigation advice.


‘Every blasted time I try to visit Clacton it sends me somewhere else’, he told reporters. In 2024 alone it sent me to Arizona, Chicago, Kuala Lumpur, Pennsylvania, New York and Washington. This year it’s dumped me in Washington (twice), Florida, France, Las Vegas and Abu Dhabi’.


Residents have mixed feelings. Geoff (67) is a registered idiot: ‘I voted for Nige and I think the sun shines out of his arse. No, really, I actually believe that. Astronomy isn’t my strongest subject’.


Cathy (26) has an IQ greater than her pulse, and is quite pleased that the leather-bound politician is staying away. ‘Given the number of Reform candidates who end up arrested or suspended, I feel safer knowing he’s thousands of miles away. Could they send him into space?’


Trotters have refused a refund on the basis that Farage somehow manages to find every TV studio within a 200 mile radius. It’s a mystery.



Leicester man makes 7000 mile round-trip to collect Friday night curry


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Steven Kirk from Leicester got more than he bargained for when he used the satnav in his new car for the first time, because instead of it directing him to the local tandoori restaurant he ended up 3500 miles away in New York!


'I just wanted to check it out, you know, boys toys and all that, so I said to my wife I'll just nip down the curry house to get our weekly curry. But ninety minutes after leaving home I was still nowhere near the restaurant.


'When I found myself driving through St Albans it did seem rather odd however I was just following the satnav woman's directions.


'Next she said "proceed to Gatwick and buy an airline ticket for New York JFK". I know it sounds silly now, but I mean computers are always right aren't they, so that's what I did,' Steve explained.


'My wife, wasn't too best pleased when eventually I called her from New York to tell her where I was. She had the wine ready and the plates warming. I didn't half get a good ear-bashing when I got home the next day.'


When asked if it hadn't occurred to him that something was wrong with the device, he said: 'Well, not really, you see the car's brand new.'


Now counting the cost of a trip that's set him back a cool £4000 rueful Steve admitted, ‘I think I'll maybe walk to the curry house next time.’


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikes-photography-1860391/

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