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Russian advance hindered by faulty Sat Nav



Kremlin officials today have outlined that the Special Operations mission in Ukraine has been beleaguered by an over reliance on faulty Sat Nav technology.


Since February 2022 the advance on strategic targets in Ukraine has been halted by fierce Ukrainian opposition and the unnamed Russian Sat Nav of choice taking their troops down several cul de sacs and leaving their forces stranded from essential supply lines and fully disconnected from the rest of the invading forces.


One unnamed Russian soldier said “its really frustrating trying to invade, when the voice of Nigel Havers is trying to give you directions to Sebastopol in South Wales”, he went on and claimed that they have been directed to Severrnside Industrial estate outside Bristol instead of Sieverodonetsk, Dundee instead of the Donbas region and Keighley instead of Kyiv.




First published 31 May 2022


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Farage to sue satnav company after failing to locate Clacton

Nigel Farage, Prime Minister-in-Waiting, has announced a lawsuit against Trotters Independent Traders over ‘dodgy’ navigation advice.


‘Every blasted time I try to visit Clacton it sends me somewhere else’, he told reporters. In 2024 alone it sent me to Arizona, Chicago, Kuala Lumpur, Pennsylvania, New York and Washington. This year it’s dumped me in Washington (twice), Florida, France, Las Vegas and Abu Dhabi’.


Residents have mixed feelings. Geoff (67) is a registered idiot: ‘I voted for Nige and I think the sun shines out of his arse. No, really, I actually believe that. Astronomy isn’t my strongest subject’.


Cathy (26) has an IQ greater than her pulse, and is quite pleased that the leather-bound politician is staying away. ‘Given the number of Reform candidates who end up arrested or suspended, I feel safer knowing he’s thousands of miles away. Could they send him into space?’


Trotters have refused a refund on the basis that Farage somehow manages to find every TV studio within a 200 mile radius. It’s a mystery.



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