"People are saying to me: 'Sir, Sir, we're running out of snake oil. Please can you give us more snake oil?" Donald Trump lied to America's dimmest and most credulous reporters (Fox News).
"I said to them, come and get it," the president continued. "I have an inexhaustible supply of the stuff.
"And my slimiest, creepiest, most fork-tongued allies on the Board of Peace, such as Putin and Lukashenko, have agreed to release their vast reserves of snake oil onto the markets, as well.
"Together, we'll be flooding the world with an endless stream of false claims and empty promises. We'll be the Rockefellers of duplicity and deceit.
"I tell you," bloviated the Snake Oil Seller in Chief, "if the snake oil I've been stockpiling for the past 79 years could fuel cars, they'd all be going at 100 mph non-stop and no one would give a damn about shipping getting sunk in the Strait of Hormuz.
"Frankly," said Trump, telling the truth for a split second, "I don't give damn about shipping getting sunk in the Strait of Hormuz, anyway. Those ships were losers."