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The Government has been named as sponsors for Ant & Dec's new show: 'I'm a UK Diplomat... Get Me Out Of Here'.
Speaking to reporters, a Foreign Ministry spokesman commented: 'I'm sure the lads will do a great job. What's more, I know our self-serving diplomats will happily eat arses, cocks, anuses, not to mention freshly baked animal feces if it ensures they get out of the world's trouble spots before our ordinary nationals who are either working abroad or perhaps on holiday.'
One diplomat told us: 'I'll do whatever it takes to get my lardy and cowardly bum in a seat aboard one of those evacuation planes. You'd better believe it.'
When it was suggested perhaps it might be more in-keeping with his duties to first assist regular British citizens to leave these countries safely, he said. 'F*ck that for a game of soldiers. Because you see I'm very important, and sadly... I'm rather afraid they're not.'
Brentford striker Ivan Toney, whose full name is Ivan Benjamin Elijah Toney, making his initials IBET - admitted breaking Football Association rules with regard to gambling on football matches. He intends to place all future bets with the FA’s official bookmaker.
Much of Toney’s football gambling involved bookmakers that sponsor football club or who have links to television stations that have football broadcasting agreements with the FA. An FA spokeshypocrite denied that offences committed using companies that contribute massively to the FA’s overall income will be considered more minor than the others.
Toney has agreed to wear clothing by Nike, fly with Emirates and bank with Barclays.
However, he drew the line at endorsing the FA’s official beer partner, the spokeshypocrite adding, 'He is ashamed of what he did, but not so ashamed that he is prepared to drink Budweiser.'
Image: creozavr | Pixabay
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