TUI or not TUI? That is the question

People are accusing travel group TUI of false advertising. Holiday makers who booked a river cruise on the Danube ended up on a replacement bus trip because the cruise ships couldn't navigate the Danube because the water level was too low. Many irritated customers are noticing that, on their return, TUI is still advertising the non-existent river cruise holiday.

When we put the question to TUI we were told that customers will not get refunds and that TUI is not guilty of false advertising.

‘The Danube river cruise holiday is a part of TUI’s new “It’s Not Our Fault” package,’ explained TUI spokesman James Wabbas. ‘We advertise these experiences and have every intention of delivering on them. But TUI can not be held legally responsible for acts of nature. In other words, it’s not our fault. TUI did not drain the water from the Danube, so we can’t be held responsible for the changes to the Danube river cruise holiday. 

‘In the same way, we can’t be held responsible for the adjustment to our Sahara cruise. You see, around 8,000 years ago, the Sahara was indeed under water, and we offer people the chance to cruise around it. Now obviously it isn’t like that any more, but that’s not our fault. We do provide the replacement camel service, which is better because they are the ships of the desert, so, technically, our customers are still getting their cruise. The point is, if these people are unhappy, then they should consider suing Nature.

’Other experiences available as part of TUI’s “It’s Not Our Fault” package holidays include the chance to see the Pyramids being built, watch the English navy fend off the Spanish Armada, or even ask a Druid what Stonehenge is really all about.

Just keep in mind that TUI can not and will not be held responsible if you are hundreds or even thousands of years too late for the advertised events.

Image credit: Wix AI

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China's "Clonehenge" forces ancient UK monument to close

"We just have to accept the forces of global competition," said a spokes-druid for English Heritage. "The UK has lost its lead to a country which can build ancient monuments better, faster and cheaper.

China's first "Clonehenge" - an exact replica of the complete Stones as they stood in 2,500 BCE, made from 3D printed authentic Stone Age-look cement, will go on display in Dubai over Christmas.

Others will be unveiled in the new year at Disney sites in California, Florida and Paris - available either in classic cerise or day-glow orange.

"We've seen bookings to visit the actual Stones plummet," lamented the English Heritage spokes-henge, "as people opt for imitation paleolithic pagan temples which are close to major airports and shopping malls.

"I can't blame them. Our own mysterious stone circle offering is way out in the wilds of Wiltshire and looks downright dilapidated.

"That's why we're accepting the inevitable, and liquidating Stonehenge. We'll be grinding down the pillars and lintels and selling them to China so it can make even more replica sacred circles for the modern age.

"Soon every country will have its own amazing megalithic tourist attraction," said an AI-bot for state-backed manufacturers Happy Joy Clonehenge Imitations.

"You won't have to walk through cowpats to reach our monuments, and you won't have to waste your time wondering who built them, or how, or why.

"They were knocked out in a factory in Fuchao within the space of a week to make us monumental loads of money."

image from pixabay