top of page
Search

Trump declares that the Strait of Hormuz is "fake news"


"I never heard of it before," Trump told his audience at a rally in Ignoramus, Nebraska.


"And none of my golfing buddies or sons in law ever heard anything about this Strait of Hormuz, either - and they're my Middle East experts.


"But that might be because they're the kind of experts who shoot their mouths off first and look at maps after. 


"I hear people are saying that the Iranians has just invented this Hormuz place. They're saying to me: 'Sir, this is the dead Ayatollah spreading fake news to pretend you haven't won the war yet.'


"If anyone says anything ever again about this made-up Strait of Hormuz being blocked, or ships getting sunk in it, I'll have Kash Patel's FBI Gestapo arrest them for treason. And if I hear our lying, liberal TV companies say another word about Hormuz, then I'll sue them and get the FCC to confiscate their licences.


"And now I've dealt with all these lies about the the totally fake Strait of Hormuz, you're going to see gas prices fall so low they'll be paying you to fill up your car."


Donald Trump is 79 in decrepit, sinking oil tanker years.     



Trump solves Strait of Hormuz flashpoint with a stroke of military genius


As global affairs become more surreal by the minute, Donald Trump's press secretary, Caroline Leave-It-Out, today told the world's media, 'In a brilliant masterstroke of military genius, the problematic Strait of Hormuz will be renamed.


'The President, as we all know, is an incredible war strategist,' grovelled the shameless yes person, 'and he has moved swiftly to sort out this matter. So this big lake thing, or whatever the heck it is, will be renamed to something more suitable, and when that happens only the United States will say what is allowed and what's not allowed to happen there.'


The news was confirmed shortly afterwards by Trump himself, while swanning around on Airforce One returning to Washington from his golf course.


'Hormuz is a kinda bad sounding word, isn't it? Not American. Very bad. A lot of people tell me that. Sounds foreign and it's a problem. So we're changing it to Strait of Massachusetts. Wow, how about that? A truly wonderful American name. So now we get to decide who can sail their boats up, down and along it. No mines, no more mines,' said Trump, before busting out a stupid, robotic 1980s dad dance move.


Despite the announcement being met with stunned disbelief in most quarters, no one is particularly surprised to see the Trump-friendly, sycophantic, global poodle corporations, Google and Apple have already amended their online maps to show the new name.



Bypassing the Strait of Hormuz


The United Arab Emirates have offered to build a canal to bypass the Strait of Hormuz, and thus piss-off the Iranian regime big time.  It will only cost a few £mega-squillion and will be cheaper, as well as easer & quicker to build than Britain's HS2 and could actually get completed and do something useful.  No bats are likely to be harmed in the building of the canal.


It's a toss-up whether the best source of funding would be crowd funding, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk or a sweepstake on how many Supreme Leaders Iran is likely to get through before they run out of Ayatollahs or America runs of of shells, drones and missiles.  International oil companies might even, eventually become slightly interested.




bottom of page