In an attempt to gain younger potential voters the government has rolled out some new initiatives.
'We've stopped the under 18s from buying lottery tickets - and why not, they're hardly likely to use their winnings to bankroll the Tory party,' said a government minister today. 'We've also stopped them buying and smoking cigarettes or vape products until their 18th birthday - and any check on the high street will confirm what an effective rule that is,' he added, puffing his chest out.
'Drinking beer is a long standing privilege for over-18s, also ruthlessly observed. And what's all this getting married before you're 18 all about, eh? There's no way a 16 or 17 year old can be relied on to raise a child, keep a household, hold down a job and bankroll the Tory party. That's off the cards now, too. 'So now you can see Rishi's masterplan. No lottery, no smoking, no vaping, no drinking and definitely no marrying. What is there left to do between their 16th and 18th birthday? Maths, that's what. What else could they legally do other than maths? What was that? Shagging? Really? Instead of calculus? You really are out of touch, son.'