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The Government has insisted that all students need advanced numeracy to understand just how much they're being screwed over by economic policy. Explained No.10: 'It's not as simple as two plus two equals no mortgage for you. It's a complex algorithm of crisis capitalism, corporate greed and the fact that butter now costs £10 a tub.'
Remarked one confused 16-yr old: 'If inflation goes up but wages go down, how many apples am I holding?' 'None,' replied the Minister. 'You can't afford apples.' 'And if two trains are travelling at the same speed from London...' 'Let me stop you there,' interrupted the Minister. 'There are no trains, all the drivers are on strike.'
The Minister continued: 'You'll need to focus on really big numbers - particularly if you are going to calculate your level of debt'.
A new study has shown that 53% of UK adults believe the crumbs which fall into their toaster simply disappear without a trace.
'It’s like cremation, isn’t it?' suggests participant Lee Halsall, 'Or when something falls through the barbecue grill. Gone forever.'
Lead researcher Stella Holmes explains: 'This study provides further evidence that we are not teaching our children the practical skills they need to be effective in life. We badly need educational reforms to introduce courses like financial literacy, critical thinking and object permanence.'
It remains to be seen what purpose, if any, those in the ‘disappear’ camp believe a toaster’s crumb tray serves. Unfortunately Mr. Halsall could not be reached for further comment as his toaster had inexplicably caught fire.
image pixabay/PublicDomainPuictures
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