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Inverness Airport Lighting Upgrade Just New Torch



Auditors are questioning the £4 million bill to upgrade runway lighting at Inverness airport, as a forensic examination of invoices shows the only thing bought was a new torch.


"Aye, we'll admit that sounds expensive," said lead project manager Iona Ferrari, "but what you have to consider are bigger picture things like logistics costs. This torch is aerospace-grade, which doesn't come cheap, and we had to buy the batteries from WH Smith, as there's nowhere else open on the High Street anymore, and we weren't allowed to get Amazon Prime."


The airport is now advertising a role standing at the end of the runway flashing the torch at approaching aircraft. The successful applicant will be needed six days a week, eleven months a year. The month off is around the summer solstice, when aircraft can successfully navigate thanks to the giant wicker man burning on the airport's land.


image from pixabay

Rhyl limits visitors to protect town from over-tourism



Rhyl bosses have declared an immediate crackdown on mass tourism in order to protect the ancient harbour resort from the damaging effects of international besiegement. A city official claimed, ‘On one morning last year, we had 12 out of towners at peak time. The town’s infrastructure just cannot cope.’


Situated at the apex of ‘the North Wales Golden Triangle’ above Denbigh and Mold, Rhyl has for centuries attracted sun and attractions loving Europeans to its historic public park with a quaint café. ‘But now,’ went on the official, ‘We have the Chinese as well. I’m worried the steps leading to the botanical gardens will fall into the sea.’


Locals have also expressed frustration at the sheer numbers of tourists. ‘I don’t mind them personally,’ remarked Mrs Dai Lanaffly. ‘Some of them's good people, the ones who stay in their car and drive straight through. It’s the ones who loiter and take photos and expect things that I don’t like,’


In response, Rhyl is instituting a number of measures. There will be a 100 euro entrance fee applied on all of the area’s peak summer weather days, between July 30th and sundown July 30th. Large cruise ships will be refused docking at Rhyl harbour should any ever attempt it, which they won't.


image from pixabay


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