8 Stylish Sunglasses To Protect You From Your Toxic Family’s Gaslighting

1. Ray-Ban Original Wayfarer Clear Blue

The blue tint and UVA filters will give you maximum Gaslight Protection Factor when your younger sister - who got her teaching degree thanks to that essay titled ‘Irony and Social Responsibility in An Inspector Calls’ that you wrote, and she handed in without even reading - starts sistersplaining at family gatherings about how her life’s going better than yours because she’s 'street smart' and 'just knows how to play the system.'

2. Hugo Bo$$

Nude-toned sunglasses with transparent edges — ideal for embracing reality in all its bare, brutal glory, just like when your aunt, whose entire existence revolves around counting every single calorie YOU ingest, and monitors everything YOU have for lunch, dinner, breakfast, everything you drink, pee and poo, tells you she’s concerned about YOUR food issues. All because you refuse to starve your way into a size 8.

3. Dior Bobby RU1 by Christian Dior

These round, tortoiseshell-effect sunnies gently blur out all the surrounding bullshit. Perfect for those moments when your dad — who flirts with the woman at the corner shop or comments on the waitress’s cleavage — tells you not to use the f-word, as swearing is very unladylike.

4. VO5212S, Vogue

Rimless, leopard-print frames that scream ‘style’ and ‘emergency shielding’. Ideal for when your dad ties a T-bone to his head and asks your Senegalese mate if that’s 'a fashion thing over there', or takes a selfie with your 'fit friend' to send to the lads’ WhatsApp group… then tells you that you should look after your mental health problems because you 'take everything so seriously' and 'can’t take a joke.'

5. Gia Sunglasses, Tom Ford

Whew! With these glam specs, you’ll be glowing like a goddess and seeing La Vie En Rose through these amazing rose-tinted lenses as your mum — married to the male specimen from points 3 and 4 — sweetly suggests there’s something off about you being 30+ and not in a relationship.

6. Symbole, Prada

These sharply angular black sunglasses go with anything — especially on those occasions when your grandma suggests that leaving the house without blow-drying your hair, painting your nails, or wearing your cousin’s wedding guest outfit, just to pop to Tesco means you’ve officially given up on life.

7. Origins 45, Police

For when your brother-in-law from the 'send ‘em all back' school of politics opens his mouth. Just put them on. Keep them on. Doesn’t matter what he says. Do not take them off. Under. Any. Circumstances.

8. PRC Solar 999X Perovskite Solar Panel

Sunglasses won’t cut it if you’re from a large, toxic family. But don’t worry, love! This eco-friendly solar panel is your salvation. It packs enough punch to power your own off-grid system. Harvest every drop of family gaslight and knock some pounds off your next electricity bill. Go green. Go independent. Let toxic energy pay you!

Picture credit: AI generated image of sunglasses

Inverness Airport Lighting Upgrade Just New Torch

Auditors are questioning the £4 million bill to upgrade runway lighting at Inverness airport, as a forensic examination of invoices shows the only thing bought was a new torch.

"Aye, we'll admit that sounds expensive," said lead project manager Iona Ferrari, "but what you have to consider are bigger picture things like logistics costs. This torch is aerospace-grade, which doesn't come cheap, and we had to buy the batteries from WH Smith, as there's nowhere else open on the High Street anymore, and we weren't allowed to get Amazon Prime."

The airport is now advertising a role standing at the end of the runway flashing the torch at approaching aircraft. The successful applicant will be needed six days a week, eleven months a year. The month off is around the summer solstice, when aircraft can successfully navigate thanks to the giant wicker man burning on the airport's land.

image from pixabay

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Rhyl limits visitors to protect town from over-tourism

Rhyl bosses have declared an immediate crackdown on mass tourism in order to protect the ancient harbour resort from the damaging effects of international besiegement. A city official claimed, ‘On one morning last year, we had 12 out of towners at peak time. The town’s infrastructure just cannot cope.’

Situated at the apex of ‘the North Wales Golden Triangle’ above Denbigh and Mold, Rhyl has for centuries attracted sun and attractions loving Europeans to its historic public park with a quaint café. ‘But now,’ went on the official, ‘We have the Chinese as well. I’m worried the steps leading to the botanical gardens will fall into the sea.’

Locals have also expressed frustration at the sheer numbers of tourists. ‘I don’t mind them personally,’ remarked Mrs Dai Lanaffly. ‘Some of them's good people, the ones who stay in their car and drive straight through. It’s the ones who loiter and take photos and expect things that I don’t like,’

In response, Rhyl is instituting a number of measures. There will be a 100 euro entrance fee applied on all of the area’s peak summer weather days, between July 30th and sundown July 30th. Large cruise ships will be refused docking at Rhyl harbour should any ever attempt it, which they won't.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com