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Everyone sitting in beer garden





Absolutely everyone has gone to the pub and is sitting in the beer garden enjoying a few pints, it has been confirmed.


The news comes despite it not actually being that warm in the evening and oh, it’s a bit nippy when the sun goes behind those clouds, isn’t it?


Nonetheless, the world and his wife is determined to enjoy a few ice cold Peronis and get a bit of sun of their collective backs after temperatures reached at least double figures today.


‘Got to celebrate the great British summer with a few cheeky jars’, chattered Mike McBride, 42, shivering in shorts and a t-shirt whilst sat outside at the Nags Head.


‘Richie here suggested we went inside at 6pm when there was a slight breeze’, continued McBride. ‘He’s such a buzz-kill.’


‘Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to order another round just as soon as a regain control of my frozen limbs’.


Photo by Ethan Hu on Unsplash

Date of Christmas to be moved to July says 'Common Sense Tsarina'



Esther McVey has announced she will be putting a Bill before Parliament to revoke the date of Christmas week from December to July.


"It makes sense", she declared. "Why hold a festival during the darkest time of the year. The kids will be off school anyway; so no problems there. The weather has a better chance of being fine and they can play outside on their new bikes. People could even have barbecues just like they do in Australia".


A Lib Dem spokesperson commented, "Doesn't make we'll still have travel chaos".


When asked for comment, Keir Starmer's office responded that he was a tad busy at the moment because he was having a long poo and didn't want to be disturbed.


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