Trump imposes tariffs on himself

Donald Trump has decided to impose a $1bn tariff on himself.

In a move showing the ultimate patriotism, the US president says he personally must pay the sum each time he travels abroad.

“It’s a big, beautiful piece of legislation,” Trump told a Republican rally.

“When this guy Trump, who’s actually nasty, visits another country, he’s gonna have to pay this beautiful fee.

“We’ve relied for too long on presidents whose mothers were born abroad. Now we’re fighting back.”

The shock moves comes in the midst of a legal battle of Trump’s plan to impose tariffs on countries such as China.

Leaked reports suggest one idea was to build a wall around the White House. However, it was deemed “too light and fluffy” by Pentagon officials.

Crowds at the rally reacted positively to the tariff plan, with one section chanting: “Lock him up! Lock him up!”

image from pixabay

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Brits try to pull a fast one in the trade war

Dr Seuss to publish Trump transcripts

The White House has decided that transcripts of President Trump’s incoherent announcements and rambling speeches will no longer be published in the official database. That way, nobody will be able to go back through what he said to determine whether he told the truth or recognised the US Constitution at any point.

However, an unofficial record of The Donald’s descent from idiocy to imbecility will be generated by children’s author Dr Seuss. It is said that he was chosen as he is used to writing nonsense in very short sentences using a tiny vocabulary.

An example, on tariffs:

I do not like this Chinese stuff,

They do not make it dear enough,

It's awful tat and plastic guff,

The USA don't need this stuff

We don't want it to come by plane,

We don't want it to come by train,

We don't want it to come by boat,

We don't want it to come by goat

My tariffs are a super fix,

No more tat for Tik Tok chicks,

I do not like green eggs and ham,

I'll tax them 'cos I'm Uncle Sam.

Dr Seuss denied that he would be adding titles to the entries. He said that The MAGA Twat In The Hat, Fox News On The Box and No Cheap Eggs Or Ham are to be published separately. And unlike anything uttered by President Trump, they will have some basis in fact.

Hat tip to deskpilot

Image credit: deep dream generator