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Journalists writing about the much-hyped new Channel 4 series “Devington Hall” have made the remarkable discovery that its breakout star, Sebastian Cutlery-Drawer, isn’t related to any famous actors.



”I was writing the standard puff piece about him, as his agent requested,” said Glenda Sludge of the Independent. “I was about to write that being the son of whoever only meant he had to work even harder to prove he was there on merit, when I realised I couldn’t remember whose son he was. 



“So I googled him, and I couldn’t believe it - it turns out his dad’s a solicitor and his mum’s an accountant. I mean, WTF?”



The producer of the show denied they were going out on a limb by casting a young actor with no show business family connections.



“You do realise, all the actors whose kids are now entering the profession were themselves cast just because they were good actors? Believe it or not, that used to be the norm. It’s only in recent years we’ve started treating showbiz families like some kind of gold mine, to be exploited to exhaustion before we even consider looking elsewhere.



“Besides, Channel 4 only gave us permission to do it on condition that Jeremy Irons’ son, Anthony Minghella’s son, Jude Law’s son, David Tennant’s son, Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman’s daughter, Peter Hall’s daughter, Tilda Swinton’s daughter, Imelda Staunton’s daughter, Phil Collins’ daughter, Lenny Kravitz’s daughter, Andie McDowell’s daughter and Johnny Depp’s daughter would all make an appearance before the end of the first series. And maybe a Beckham or two, if they fancy giving acting a go?”


The nation’s TV critics have pronounced themselves shocked to their very foundations that Buying London, a show about sloaney dimwits selling expensive homes, isn’t a work of towering genius.


'Well really,' huffed the Independent’s critic. 'I came to it expecting the pathos of Chekhov, the insight of late Kieslowski and the magisterial sweep of Gabriel Garçia Marquez. Instead I find it’s some glossy airheads saying ‘Wow’ as they look around big houses. I’m so disappointed.'


'Exactly right,' agreed her colleague at the Guardian. 'I watched the whole show in a constant state of rage that rich people even exist. Actually, I couldn’t care less, but it’s a good way of auditioning for a job writing editorial content - Polly’s got to retire at some point.'


Critics were particularly savage about the constant backstabbing between two of the show’s stars, Mitzi and Ditzi, which they said was 'obviously scripted'.


'I mean, come on - two vain, ambitious glamazons being catty about each other? They must think we’ll believe anything.'


Picture credit: stablediffusionweb.com

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