When the Vote Comes in

Come here, my little Mikey

I’ve smoked my wacky baccy

Let’s have a line of cracky

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We shall have our wishy when the vote comes in

If you have a wishy

For the little Rishi

He will seem a little fishy

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We shall have our wishy when the vote comes in

Here’s the lady Mordaunt

Carrying her sword on

Might supersede the morons

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We have got our wishy now the vote’s come in

image: Pixabay/mounsey

Villagers hopeful about new bus shelter

Residents of North Netherwick, a tiny Somerset village, are hopeful about getting a new bus shelter, after waiting for more than 14 years.

‘We first asked for a bus shelter in 2010,’ says Joan, a member of the bus shelter action group.

‘We’ve been given the run-around since then.  First it was all about austerity and affordability.   Then we were fobbed of with promises of feasibility studies, evaluations, and consultations.   Then they wanted the villagers to pay half the bill.  And while all this nonsense has been going on, we just get wetter and wetter while we wait for the bus.  I suppose we are lucky that there’s still a bus.

‘But we are now very hopeful about getting some action.  It was the boundary changes that clinched it for us.  North Netherwick is part of a new parliamentary constituency and it’s considered to be a very marginal seat.   So, all of a sudden, the Tories are very keen to promise a new bus shelter.   And, to top it off, they’ve promised us a matching litter bin.  How exciting is that?

‘Anyway, we aren’t taking anything for granted.  Our campaign team are printing posters that say BUS SHELTER FIRST – THEN THE VOTES.   We’ve warned the local candidate that we like to fill in our postal votes early.  So if they understand how election bribes work, then they need to magic up that bus shelter pronto.  No shelter, no votes.   And they’d better not cancel the bus, either.

‘We are a bit worried that they will cock it all up, the useless tossers,’ says Joan. ‘Anyway, fingers crossed.’

image from pixabay

Buy your election air fresheners now!

Are you finding the election coverage a bit stuffy? Is something irritating you? Does something not smell quite right?

You need our special pack of election air fresheners!

We have six different kinds:

The dark blue one – this is our strongest air freshener. Poo on beaches, the awful smell of ill people you get in hospitals, burning cladding, the morning-after-the-partygate-before smell, the whiff of arrogant hypocracy – this super strong air freshener will deal with all of this, and more.

The red one – this one doesn’t smell of anything at all.  You can sniff as hard as you like.   Some people think that they can detect a very subtle scent, but they’re kidding themselves.  It smells of absolutely nothing.

The green one – this is a glorious combination of smells – pine, the inside of your recycling bin, bat poo.  All with the exciting tang of LGBTQ+.  It definitely doesn’t smell of carbon dioxide.

The light blue one – not a subtle fragrance – exactly the opposite, in fact.   People tell us that the aroma changes according to your location.  Sometimes it smells of pavements cleaned with disinfectant.  Sometimes it smells of beer (usually a pint of bitter).   Sometimes it smells of opportunism.  Sometimes it smells just like the dark blue one.

The scottish one – this one smells of heather, thistles, aberdeen angus cattle, sporrans that have been aged in oak barrels, and batter.   Why not buy one for your motorhome?

The yellowy-orange one – this one smells of small children laughing in the playground.   It’s a light-hearted aroma, not a serious one.  Perhaps this scent would work best in combination with one of the others?

All six for fifty quid, because our generosity nose no bounds.   GB only.  Not available in Northern Ireland.  Not a toy.  Keep away from children (not a warning, just advice).  Offer ends 4th July 2024.

image from pixabay