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De-Monopolise set to be best selling game this Christmas


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An innovative board game is expected to outsell all other board games in this year’s run up to Christmas.

Each player is given a number of cards, each bearing a picture of a cabinet minister. They are also given cards bearing the names of Tory donors.

Unlike Monopoly, where the aim is to win the most money by buying up all the property and extorting rent on it, the aim of De-Monopolise is to have cabinet ministers removed from office and get donors sent to jail.


As with Monopoly, the game involves random factors like dice throws and chance cards saying thing like “The European Court of Human Rights has blocked your intention to send asylum seekers to Rwanda” and “Your failure to properly declare your tax liability” renders the player liable to take another cabinet minister card.


The winner is the first player to lose all their cabinet ministers and have the crooks who donate to party funds jailed.


image from pixabay


Tory election slogan leaked: "let's kill kids"


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"Let's Kill Kids" is going to be next year's Conservative election campaign slogan, according to party strategist Lucretia Malmsey, speaking at an "elite briefing session" in the bar of the Hilton Manchester at 2am this morning.


"Young people nowadays are all snowflakes" drawled the 33-year-old Eton-educated policy advisor, oblivious to something that looked rather like snowflakes dribbling out of her nose, "and children - yuk! Noisy, whiney screen addicts. Who can't vote."


She outlined the "quick quick slow" policy platform:

  • Quick - increase speed limits on residential streets "where data shows most kids live";

  • Quick - let schools fall on them;

  • Slow - scrap the home energy efficiency taskforce - and "conserve Britain's historic stock" of lethally mouldy, cold and damp houses - "only Labour voters live in them anyway";

  • Even Slower - scrap support for any form of low carbon transport "to accelerate climate breakdown after all our members are all dead anyway".

"It's bold, it's bullsh!t, it's thrillingly psychopathic - so the press will love it" confided Ms Malmsey "and unlike most political slogans, we actually mean it!"




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