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Getting political messages out to all age groups became more difficult with the advent of the Interweb, a spokestwat from a Tufty Club think tank told Newsbiscuit. “Fewer people are buying newspapers these days; and political parties are appallingly bad at engaging the electorate on social media, because that relies on two-way conversations, which inevitably end up in tears. What’s needed is a return to good old-fashioned TV messaging. People used to shout at politicians on the telly, but nobody ever heard what they said, so overall, TV messaging was very effective.”


Analysts who have studied viewing habits and demographics in detail for decades, believe the Tory party is missing a trick by ignoring the captive audience that Playschool was intended for – essentially people with little experience of real life, do sod all to contribute, but expect the world to be handed to them on a plate.


“To be frank,” said one, “this year’s Tory conference was largely comprised from bits of old Playschool scripts, so it wouldn’t be like the BBC could get accused of bias.”


image from pixabay



First reports on Labour's conference seem to infer a key theme that is likely to manifest itself as major manifesto pledge. "We, and I can't stress this enough, are not the Tories", said Keir Starmer on the first day of the conference. His opening 5 minute welcome speech went on to say or imply this a further 30 times. There was variation to the message such as, "Tory? Not me, mate!" and "Hands up if you're a Tory" after which he comically touches his toes.


Angela Rayner and Lisa Nandy also vociferously confirmed they were not, indeed, Tories with the former telling our reporter to "f*** off" for even suggesting such a thing. Conference seminars seemed to also repeat the theme with Stephen Kinnock's "How to spot if someone thinks you're a Tory" a popular gathering and "10 ways to let someone know you're not a Tory" hosted by David Lammy.


A speech preview of Mr Starmer's closing speech also carried the messaging with key phrases such as "tough of being a Tory, tough on the causes of being a Tory", "NOT A TORY! NOT A TORY! NOT A TORY!" and the slightly more confusing "you be a Tory if you want to, this lady's not for being a Tory".


image from pixabay

author: simonjjames



An innovative board game is expected to outsell all other board games in this year’s run up to Christmas.

Each player is given a number of cards, each bearing a picture of a cabinet minister. They are also given cards bearing the names of Tory donors.

Unlike Monopoly, where the aim is to win the most money by buying up all the property and extorting rent on it, the aim of De-Monopolise is to have cabinet ministers removed from office and get donors sent to jail.


As with Monopoly, the game involves random factors like dice throws and chance cards saying thing like “The European Court of Human Rights has blocked your intention to send asylum seekers to Rwanda” and “Your failure to properly declare your tax liability” renders the player liable to take another cabinet minister card.


The winner is the first player to lose all their cabinet ministers and have the crooks who donate to party funds jailed.


image from pixabay


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